this weird thing called emotion.
its a wonder how you can port the feelings that you once felt for a certain event over to the current time without forgetting the details.
be it the words, the actions or the tone.
is the hurt so deeply engraved that it will not be forgotten again?
or is it the reluctance to forgive?
Sunday, 30 December 2012
Sunday, 28 October 2012
I hate my brain at times.
I hate how it always forces me to analyze even the smallest matter.
Like how I will want to know the breakdown of timings.
Like how I will want to know the thoughts that is going through people mind's during a conversation.
Sometimes, if someone is important to you, you should just have faith in them, isn't it?
Why is there a need to always think of everything logically?
Why must I always have a reason for everything that happened?
Sometimes, all the reasons in the world mean nothing.
Or sometime, things just happen without a reason.
Like how you say you are going to make use of your time and ended up procrastinating.
Like how I cannot find a reason to justify why am I doing so badly in Compt Thinking when I do study no matter how hard I try.
If only I can show everyone else my logical side, and keep my emotional side close to me.
I hate how it always forces me to analyze even the smallest matter.
Like how I will want to know the breakdown of timings.
Like how I will want to know the thoughts that is going through people mind's during a conversation.
Sometimes, if someone is important to you, you should just have faith in them, isn't it?
Why is there a need to always think of everything logically?
Why must I always have a reason for everything that happened?
Sometimes, all the reasons in the world mean nothing.
Or sometime, things just happen without a reason.
Like how you say you are going to make use of your time and ended up procrastinating.
Like how I cannot find a reason to justify why am I doing so badly in Compt Thinking when I do study no matter how hard I try.
If only I can show everyone else my logical side, and keep my emotional side close to me.
Monday, 1 October 2012
Comparisons might be the thing that will spoil all the relationships & make your faith start crumbling.
But I guess, it is inevitable.
At some point in time, you will want to be the most important person/thing in another person's life.
You will want your effort to be recognized. And when you realize that it is easily brushed off(even though that might not be the intention), you feel hurt.
You will start misunderstanding every little actions, you will start having the victim mentality. Then, everything will go downhill from there.
As compared to a team's effort, mine might be miniscule. But how I hope that by putting in that little bit of effort, it will get recognized. That you will realize I'm doing it specifically for you, thus, when you decide to change your original plan, I will be at the top of your mind.
Asking so much, and expecting so much.
Why am I a girl that needs to be coddled?
Saturday, 29 September 2012
I don't know what to do anymore.
Am buried with work, but I just can't seem to finish any.
It is like, when I sit on my bed in front of my laptop, the only thing that I can feel is my weary heart. & how I just want to disappear and pretend that all these doesn't exist.
I'm incapable of handling all these. Maybe, I should stop pretending that I can solve all the problems when I'm in front of others.
'Cause the fact is, I can't.
I should start telling you all how lost I am, how I need more help. Then, I won't be so tired.
But the fact is, if I only have to worry about my own problems, then everything will be so much better.
But it feels like the burden isn't shared equally. I'm tired already, really. 6 weeks into the term, and now I want to give up.
What should I do?
This helplessness seems amplified when you pass this day knowing that this weekend isn't going to be the same as the rest.
Am buried with work, but I just can't seem to finish any.
It is like, when I sit on my bed in front of my laptop, the only thing that I can feel is my weary heart. & how I just want to disappear and pretend that all these doesn't exist.
I'm incapable of handling all these. Maybe, I should stop pretending that I can solve all the problems when I'm in front of others.
'Cause the fact is, I can't.
I should start telling you all how lost I am, how I need more help. Then, I won't be so tired.
But the fact is, if I only have to worry about my own problems, then everything will be so much better.
But it feels like the burden isn't shared equally. I'm tired already, really. 6 weeks into the term, and now I want to give up.
What should I do?
This helplessness seems amplified when you pass this day knowing that this weekend isn't going to be the same as the rest.
Tuesday, 18 September 2012
Friday, 7 September 2012
Sunday, 2 September 2012
Calculating each step.
Walking carefully as if you're treading on thin ice as you reach out for the thing.
What if the ice cracks?
In the water, you will flail your arms as you pray that help will arrive.
Yet the clock goes tick tock, tick tock.
Your limbs feel like lead, your heart starts beating slower, and you sink & sink & sink.
The thing stands at the opposite shore,
staring at you,
as it bids the last farewell.
Walking carefully as if you're treading on thin ice as you reach out for the thing.
What if the ice cracks?
In the water, you will flail your arms as you pray that help will arrive.
Yet the clock goes tick tock, tick tock.
Your limbs feel like lead, your heart starts beating slower, and you sink & sink & sink.
The thing stands at the opposite shore,
staring at you,
as it bids the last farewell.
Thursday, 30 August 2012
我想要的那片天空， 你是不是能夠給我?
Growing up is never as easy as it seems to be. There will be times where you thought you are mature enough, responsible enough, but then, someone will just come in and prove you wrong. Actually growing up can be done the easy way. The slow, & patient tutoring where you try to change step by step instead of the harsh and instantaneous way. But maybe, the latter works better, since it hurts resulting it to be deeply imprinted in your mind so that you can't forget it easily. Growing up just essentially mean becoming a better person and be more understanding towards others, and to start acting like an adult, I guess.
But what if, I want it to be different? When its about things I care about, I just want to be selfish about it & do what I deem is right. However, it seems like this is way too unreasonable and impossible. So, I'll try to grow up, try to be someone who is a million times more considerate than I am now. (:
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/nWb_X3ZJQjw" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
I fucking love this song by Mayday, & somehow it just reminded me of the movie Eternal Summer & right now I really want to rewatch it. So, I shall watch it tomorrow/friday night.
There's a lot of things I want to say, and yet, I never get to say them. So many till I'm so worried what will happen if I don't get the chance to say them again? So many till I wonder why do I always say the awful things first? So so many that my heart is so heavy. Sigh. It just seem like I repeat the same mistake over and over again.
Anw, this is a song that had been repeating itself like a mantra in my mind.
<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/-E4FRtrD9aQ" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
Its just so cute and perfect. Perhaps after practicing my guitar piece for next week I should try playing this. There's just so many things I need to try.
But what if, I want it to be different? When its about things I care about, I just want to be selfish about it & do what I deem is right. However, it seems like this is way too unreasonable and impossible. So, I'll try to grow up, try to be someone who is a million times more considerate than I am now. (:
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/nWb_X3ZJQjw" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
I fucking love this song by Mayday, & somehow it just reminded me of the movie Eternal Summer & right now I really want to rewatch it. So, I shall watch it tomorrow/friday night.
There's a lot of things I want to say, and yet, I never get to say them. So many till I'm so worried what will happen if I don't get the chance to say them again? So many till I wonder why do I always say the awful things first? So so many that my heart is so heavy. Sigh. It just seem like I repeat the same mistake over and over again.
Anw, this is a song that had been repeating itself like a mantra in my mind.
<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/-E4FRtrD9aQ" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
Its just so cute and perfect. Perhaps after practicing my guitar piece for next week I should try playing this. There's just so many things I need to try.
Tuesday, 28 August 2012
Monday, 6 August 2012
Thursday, 12 July 2012
Is momentary happiness worth guilt that will weigh down on your conscience for maybe, years to come?
I'm afraid not only because I might have already done something wrong, but also because, I might do something wrong again.
Maybe I've done it wrong. All wrong.
& maybe the way out is self - isolation. Being anti - social? I can do it.
I'm afraid not only because I might have already done something wrong, but also because, I might do something wrong again.
Maybe I've done it wrong. All wrong.
& maybe the way out is self - isolation. Being anti - social? I can do it.
Monday, 9 July 2012
About A Boy
Boys?
That boy.
The one who makes you stay up late just to wait for his reply. The one who you have to think about every single sentence or word before you press the word 'Send'. The one who you think you can get over but in fact, your heart beats a little faster when you see him online and then start swearing like there's no tomorrow as you wait for him to talk to you.
Why that boy?
There seems to be no plausible answers to this. You just can't seem to get rid of the feelings that you harbor for him. There are times where you will meet people who you get along with, who you think might be a better match for you as compared to him. But you'll still wait. Render yourself as emotionally unavailable and wait. Wait till you'll start blaming him for making you feel unwanted. Till you think you're going to die old and alone because there's a chance that no one else could make you feel that way again.
And then?
You start wondering why you can't seem to attract that one person that mattered so much. And eventually, you'll start identifying yourself with all the protagonists in sappy romance novels and whine about how life is so unfair. But, you still try your best. Be it at updating yourself with whatever he is doing right now, or just trying to be a part of his life. Trying to understand what he is going through so that you will feel like there's a form of connection between the two of you.
The End?
You think you can get over him and just stay as friends with him, Forever. And you set a deadline for yourself. One month. Telling yourself that it is easy to get over him and all it takes is a month. In that month, you think about him everyday, write about him everyday thinking that it is the best therapy you can ever go through. Breaking your own heart so much that when you fix it again, you'll remove all the people that shouldn't have mattered. But, at the end of the month, you realize that it doesn't work at all, and you start missing him more and more.
It is till you meet new people, hang out with new friends, occupy your time with something way more important than him that he finally left your mind, and possibly vacate the spot in your heart. But all it takes is a text from him, and once again, the cycle repeats itself.
Probably till you finally learn how to let go of someone.
That boy.
The one who makes you stay up late just to wait for his reply. The one who you have to think about every single sentence or word before you press the word 'Send'. The one who you think you can get over but in fact, your heart beats a little faster when you see him online and then start swearing like there's no tomorrow as you wait for him to talk to you.
Why that boy?
There seems to be no plausible answers to this. You just can't seem to get rid of the feelings that you harbor for him. There are times where you will meet people who you get along with, who you think might be a better match for you as compared to him. But you'll still wait. Render yourself as emotionally unavailable and wait. Wait till you'll start blaming him for making you feel unwanted. Till you think you're going to die old and alone because there's a chance that no one else could make you feel that way again.
And then?
You start wondering why you can't seem to attract that one person that mattered so much. And eventually, you'll start identifying yourself with all the protagonists in sappy romance novels and whine about how life is so unfair. But, you still try your best. Be it at updating yourself with whatever he is doing right now, or just trying to be a part of his life. Trying to understand what he is going through so that you will feel like there's a form of connection between the two of you.
The End?
You think you can get over him and just stay as friends with him, Forever. And you set a deadline for yourself. One month. Telling yourself that it is easy to get over him and all it takes is a month. In that month, you think about him everyday, write about him everyday thinking that it is the best therapy you can ever go through. Breaking your own heart so much that when you fix it again, you'll remove all the people that shouldn't have mattered. But, at the end of the month, you realize that it doesn't work at all, and you start missing him more and more.
It is till you meet new people, hang out with new friends, occupy your time with something way more important than him that he finally left your mind, and possibly vacate the spot in your heart. But all it takes is a text from him, and once again, the cycle repeats itself.
Probably till you finally learn how to let go of someone.
Tuesday, 3 July 2012
Just read my friend's blog. & got a shock.
A guy who seems like he doesn't care about anything, who's so playful, is actually very philosophical on the inside. Thus, I'm reflecting now.
There's so much more in life, & yet I'm getting emotional and trapping myself in this little problem of mine instead of focusing on the greater picture.
Anyway, I really like this song nowadays.
Its from a Taiwanese drama called 我可能不會愛你。I haven't watched one in ages, but I was immediately drawn to one of the lines from the show.
如果我看過妳看過的世界、走過妳走過的路, 是不是就能更靠近妳一點?
From what I've seen now, it seems like this drama is pretty worth watching. Really liked how it focuses on two people who are in their 30s & how there's the pressure from life awaiting them.
So, yep. That's all (:
A guy who seems like he doesn't care about anything, who's so playful, is actually very philosophical on the inside. Thus, I'm reflecting now.
There's so much more in life, & yet I'm getting emotional and trapping myself in this little problem of mine instead of focusing on the greater picture.
Anyway, I really like this song nowadays.
Its from a Taiwanese drama called 我可能不會愛你。I haven't watched one in ages, but I was immediately drawn to one of the lines from the show.
如果我看過妳看過的世界、走過妳走過的路, 是不是就能更靠近妳一點?
From what I've seen now, it seems like this drama is pretty worth watching. Really liked how it focuses on two people who are in their 30s & how there's the pressure from life awaiting them.
So, yep. That's all (:
Wednesday, 27 June 2012
I'm going to sound like an alcoholic. But I like drinking nowadays whenever I meet obstacles.
Something about drinking just gives me the delusion that I can forget everything & then move on with life again, when it is completely not true.
Life's pretty screwed up. Thanks to myself who realized some super important stuff very late in life. Sometimes I wonder what if I've known it much earlier. Will it have changed anything? But at times, like this, I choose to be grateful to how my life had turn out to be.
Yes, & I'll stay true to myself this time round. So please give me lots of courage and determination, & five years down the road I can be proud and say that I've stayed true all this time.
Hahahaha, trying to sound real positive, but in reality, I feel like crying now.
Crying - something that I had done a lot in my first sem in uni. I swear it is karma, for doubting the fact that tears can't be controlled, when it really can't be controlled.
I guess I'll start keeping a diary again like what I did last time, & laugh at whatever I wrote inside a few months later. Even though, I still feel the same way, over and over again.
& then, I'm a fickle minded bitch. I want to change that soon. I will change that soon. & I will become a better person soon. So, the stars which I love a lot, please watch over me well.
Lastly, I've to learn not to expect too much. Some things, once you miss it, will never be yours again. So all we can do at that point in time, is learn to move on. I won't be the old stupid me again. Instead of forcing myself to run away like the previous times, I'll move as slowly as a turtle, so by the time I reach the end of the memory journey, I'll be able to say goodbye graciously.
Something about drinking just gives me the delusion that I can forget everything & then move on with life again, when it is completely not true.
Life's pretty screwed up. Thanks to myself who realized some super important stuff very late in life. Sometimes I wonder what if I've known it much earlier. Will it have changed anything? But at times, like this, I choose to be grateful to how my life had turn out to be.
Yes, & I'll stay true to myself this time round. So please give me lots of courage and determination, & five years down the road I can be proud and say that I've stayed true all this time.
Hahahaha, trying to sound real positive, but in reality, I feel like crying now.
Crying - something that I had done a lot in my first sem in uni. I swear it is karma, for doubting the fact that tears can't be controlled, when it really can't be controlled.
I guess I'll start keeping a diary again like what I did last time, & laugh at whatever I wrote inside a few months later. Even though, I still feel the same way, over and over again.
& then, I'm a fickle minded bitch. I want to change that soon. I will change that soon. & I will become a better person soon. So, the stars which I love a lot, please watch over me well.
Lastly, I've to learn not to expect too much. Some things, once you miss it, will never be yours again. So all we can do at that point in time, is learn to move on. I won't be the old stupid me again. Instead of forcing myself to run away like the previous times, I'll move as slowly as a turtle, so by the time I reach the end of the memory journey, I'll be able to say goodbye graciously.
Saturday, 16 June 2012
Thursday, 31 May 2012
嗯。 今天無意間看到這個然後， 想做了。 其實， 不知道自己一開始看到的是不是這個。 不知道這是不是原本的那個。 就很有可能是兩個不同的。 對， 就是這樣。
１ . 說到敖犬你會想到什麼？
狗狗。 還有那個隱藏在幼稚的行為後的懂事和責任感。
２ . 說到鮪魚你會想到什麼？
Bato。
３ . 說到虎牙你會想到什麼？
粉撲。 裝可愛。
４ . 說到王子你會想到什麼？
我家小孩。 想要守護的人。
５ . 說到小傑你會想到什麼？
啟發。
６ . 說到阿緯你會想到什麼？
很久以前想要嫁的人。 最初的理想型， 和導致我在家自學breaking的人。
７ . 說到威廉你會想到什麼？
陽光。
８ . 說到小煜你會想到什麼？
很電。 聽不膩的聲音。
９ . 說到小Ｔ你會想到什麼？
愛因斯坦。
１０. 說到牙膏你會想到什麼？
老師。
１１. 說到小濱你會想到什麼？
緋聞。
１２. 說到阿本你會想到什麼？
公主。
１３. 說到毛弟你會想到什麼？
Orange。
１４. 說到Ｔｅｒｒｙ你會想到什麼？
努力。 爸爸。
１５. 說到小馬你會想到什麼？
馬傑克。
１６. 說到Ｍｏｎｋｅｙ你會想到什麼？
日本。 櫻花。 和我想去的西雅圖。
１７. 說到多多你會想到什麼？
一萬。
１８. 說到ＭＯＭＯ你會想到什麼？
相遇。
１９. 請任選一個男孩，他如果跟你告白你的感想：
阿緯。 很好， 因為我想嫁給他， 年輕的時候。
２０. 讓我問你一個問題，你覺得哪個男孩最棒？
阿狗。 班長不是當假的。
２１. 如果有人跟你說：其實阿緯身高１９０公分？
喔。 資優股。
２２. 如果你在路上看到喜歡的男孩被圍毆？
打給警察。
２３. 如果今天有消息指出拉哩怕最會唱歌的男孩喉嚨暫時不能唱歌？
煜煜?
２４. 如果有機會能跟２位棒棒堂男孩出去玩，會選誰並說明為什麼？
阿緯。 小翊。
２５. 棒棒堂誰最適合走諧星路線？
緯。
２６. 棒棒堂誰最適合反串？
王子。
２７. 誰的身高最高？
銓兒。
２８. 如果鮪魚突然換了爆炸頭？
喔， 不是一個很好的idea。
２９. 誰的身材最好？
威緯Terry?
３０. 哪些棒棒堂男孩適合被湊成一對 ？
敖傑。 因為阿狗承認他讀過。
３１. 如果看到小濱跟阿本在街上接吻？
阿~~
３２. 如果模范棒棒堂主持人變成你，你會最常叫誰說話？
野獸。
３３. 誰是美型男？
小翊。
３４. 誰是故人怨王？
多多。 因為他是炮灰。
３５. 誰的寫真集你最想收藏？
傑兒。 小翊。
３６. 誰的臉你連看都不想看？
無。
３７. 你最不喜歡哪個底迪？
沒有耶。
３８. 哪個弟弟你想跟他交往？
緯。
３９. 那個弟弟你會給他好人卡？
嗯。 除了緯以外的人吧。 雖然說是煜煜的話會心動。
４０. 哪個弟弟最適合跟周董合作？
傑兒。
４１. 最想被哪個弟弟綁架？
都不想。
４２. 最想看哪的弟弟穿比基尼？都不想。
４３. 最想跟誰發生偶像劇才會發生的情侶？
緯。
４４. 如果你不喜歡的弟弟跟你說他喜歡你，你會？？
拒絕。
４５. 幫一個弟弟跟黑澀美眉配對
毛弟， 糖果。
４６. 覺得誰以後會是長久藝人？
阿狗。
４７. 你覺得哪個弟弟跟你很像，是好朋友的型？
沒有?
４８. 哪個弟弟可能是白斬雞？
王子。
４９. 哪個弟弟拍的偶像劇收市會飆高？
王子。
５０. 如果在某個偏僻的城市，棒棒堂弟弟都在擺攤，你最想去哪攤光顧？
威廉。
５１. 為他們做過最瘋狂的事？
不能說的秘密。 但如果是正常的， 最近為了傑兒在練吉他。
５２. 如果今天底迪在吊橋上落水，你會先救誰？
王子。
５３. 如果你是狗仔，你會想拍誰？
敖犬。
５４. 誰的八卦新聞會讓你生氣？
還好。
５５. 落水是最希望被誰救？
威廉。
５６. 希望可以跟誰的手被手銬銬住？
都不想。
５７. 如果有一個底迪要轉去你們班，你希望是誰？他會做什麼事？
小翊。 會好好讀書， 然後我就可以很光明正大的在老師面前崇拜他。
５８. 哪位底迪會在深山迷路？
狗和毛弟。
５９. 如果你在廁所遇到敖犬？
會說嗨。
６０. 如果你在旅館外巧遇王子？
會看衣服有沒有穿好， 會不會著涼。
６１. 如果你在腳底按摩店外巧遇阿緯？
會幸福。
６２. 如果你在妳們學校巧遇到小傑，聽說他要轉到妳們班？
會好好練吉他。
６３. 如果你在你家門口巧遇到提著行李欲哭無淚的威廉？
是要收留他嗎?
６４. 如果你在馬桶冰店外巧遇小煜？
嗯， 很好。
６５. 最想跟哪位底迪完高空彈跳？
阿緯。
６６. 最想和哪位底迪一起去秋名山飆車？
緯。
６７. 如果你變成的瑞希，你希望誰是泉？
緯。
６８. 那希望誰是秀伊？
不要。
６９. 哪的底迪做的料理你最想吃？
緯。
７０. 如果毛弟有一天演著驚驚到你房間？
喔。
７１. 除了六底迪之外，最想跟誰分享食物？
鮪魚吧。
７２. 想跟哪個底迪穿什麼風格的情侶裝？
緯。穿new urban male 的吊嘎。
７３. 如果你最喜歡的底迪是暴露狂？
這個嘛。
７４. 最喜歡哪的底迪送的禮物？
緯。
７５. 如果有一個底迪其實是女生，你覺得是誰？
小濱。
７６. 如果一定要有目前留在棒棒堂的底迪要離開，你會覺得是誰？
不要。
７７. 如果你的朋友，是你最愛的底迪的女朋友？
我朋友愛廖俊傑。
７８. 哪的底弟最有心機？
我怎麼知道。
７９. 如果小Ｔ跟林志玲有誹聞？
身高沒有距離嗎?
８０. 最拒災難相的底迪？
拒災難相?
８１. 哪個底迪你覺得毀容會比現在好看？
沒?
８２. 哪個底迪最沒存在感？
野草。 銓兒。
８３. 哪的底迪會讓你產生工作人員的錯覺？
恩。
８４. 如果你碰到王子翹折２郎腿挖鼻孔？
很台。
８５. 如果阿緯他說他會為了你放棄長高？
<3
８６. 哪的底迪有便秘的問題？
小煜好像有。
８７. 哪個底迪說話最冷？
阿杰。
８８. 如果亨利坐進底迪之中？
可以。
８９. 如果有一天棒棒堂底迪各寫一封情書給你？
收起來。
９０. 如果有一天晃到六底迪宿舍外，你覺得他們在裡面幹麻？
打電動。
９１. 如果你在淡水老街看到小馬穿著蜘蛛人的衣服跳ｐｏｐｐｉｎｇ？
錄影中?
９２. 如果有３個底迪飆車你會覺得是哪３個？
緯。煜。犬。
９３. 哪個底迪最可能喜歡 Ｈｅｌｌｏ Ｋｉｔｔｙ ？
阿本。
９４. 如果你看到牙膏跟小Ｔ牽手逛菜市場？
就錄節目嗎?
９５. 你覺得哪個底迪最會惹麻煩？
威廉。
９６. 哪個底迪扮女生會令人做噁？
很多都會。
９７. 哪個底迪最表裡不一？
這我哪知?
９８. 如果你看到Ｔｅｒｒｙ鬼鬼祟祟的從女廁出來？
這個。。。
９９. 想像阿本全身肌肉的樣子？
不要。
１００. 哪個底迪最像宅男?
傑兒。
很認真的把這個寫完了。 就想念了。 然後很痛， 所以說想念是會呼吸的痛嗎?
但， 也充滿希望。
明天要比今天努力的練吉他。
１ . 說到敖犬你會想到什麼？
狗狗。 還有那個隱藏在幼稚的行為後的懂事和責任感。
２ . 說到鮪魚你會想到什麼？
Bato。
３ . 說到虎牙你會想到什麼？
粉撲。 裝可愛。
４ . 說到王子你會想到什麼？
我家小孩。 想要守護的人。
５ . 說到小傑你會想到什麼？
啟發。
６ . 說到阿緯你會想到什麼？
很久以前想要嫁的人。 最初的理想型， 和導致我在家自學breaking的人。
７ . 說到威廉你會想到什麼？
陽光。
８ . 說到小煜你會想到什麼？
很電。 聽不膩的聲音。
９ . 說到小Ｔ你會想到什麼？
愛因斯坦。
１０. 說到牙膏你會想到什麼？
老師。
１１. 說到小濱你會想到什麼？
緋聞。
１２. 說到阿本你會想到什麼？
公主。
１３. 說到毛弟你會想到什麼？
Orange。
１４. 說到Ｔｅｒｒｙ你會想到什麼？
努力。 爸爸。
１５. 說到小馬你會想到什麼？
馬傑克。
１６. 說到Ｍｏｎｋｅｙ你會想到什麼？
日本。 櫻花。 和我想去的西雅圖。
１７. 說到多多你會想到什麼？
一萬。
１８. 說到ＭＯＭＯ你會想到什麼？
相遇。
１９. 請任選一個男孩，他如果跟你告白你的感想：
阿緯。 很好， 因為我想嫁給他， 年輕的時候。
２０. 讓我問你一個問題，你覺得哪個男孩最棒？
阿狗。 班長不是當假的。
２１. 如果有人跟你說：其實阿緯身高１９０公分？
喔。 資優股。
２２. 如果你在路上看到喜歡的男孩被圍毆？
打給警察。
２３. 如果今天有消息指出拉哩怕最會唱歌的男孩喉嚨暫時不能唱歌？
煜煜?
２４. 如果有機會能跟２位棒棒堂男孩出去玩，會選誰並說明為什麼？
阿緯。 小翊。
２５. 棒棒堂誰最適合走諧星路線？
緯。
２６. 棒棒堂誰最適合反串？
王子。
２７. 誰的身高最高？
銓兒。
２８. 如果鮪魚突然換了爆炸頭？
喔， 不是一個很好的idea。
２９. 誰的身材最好？
威緯Terry?
３０. 哪些棒棒堂男孩適合被湊成一對 ？
敖傑。 因為阿狗承認他讀過。
３１. 如果看到小濱跟阿本在街上接吻？
阿~~
３２. 如果模范棒棒堂主持人變成你，你會最常叫誰說話？
野獸。
３３. 誰是美型男？
小翊。
３４. 誰是故人怨王？
多多。 因為他是炮灰。
３５. 誰的寫真集你最想收藏？
傑兒。 小翊。
３６. 誰的臉你連看都不想看？
無。
３７. 你最不喜歡哪個底迪？
沒有耶。
３８. 哪個弟弟你想跟他交往？
緯。
３９. 那個弟弟你會給他好人卡？
嗯。 除了緯以外的人吧。 雖然說是煜煜的話會心動。
４０. 哪個弟弟最適合跟周董合作？
傑兒。
４１. 最想被哪個弟弟綁架？
都不想。
４２. 最想看哪的弟弟穿比基尼？都不想。
４３. 最想跟誰發生偶像劇才會發生的情侶？
緯。
４４. 如果你不喜歡的弟弟跟你說他喜歡你，你會？？
拒絕。
４５. 幫一個弟弟跟黑澀美眉配對
毛弟， 糖果。
４６. 覺得誰以後會是長久藝人？
阿狗。
４７. 你覺得哪個弟弟跟你很像，是好朋友的型？
沒有?
４８. 哪個弟弟可能是白斬雞？
王子。
４９. 哪個弟弟拍的偶像劇收市會飆高？
王子。
５０. 如果在某個偏僻的城市，棒棒堂弟弟都在擺攤，你最想去哪攤光顧？
威廉。
５１. 為他們做過最瘋狂的事？
不能說的秘密。 但如果是正常的， 最近為了傑兒在練吉他。
５２. 如果今天底迪在吊橋上落水，你會先救誰？
王子。
５３. 如果你是狗仔，你會想拍誰？
敖犬。
５４. 誰的八卦新聞會讓你生氣？
還好。
５５. 落水是最希望被誰救？
威廉。
５６. 希望可以跟誰的手被手銬銬住？
都不想。
５７. 如果有一個底迪要轉去你們班，你希望是誰？他會做什麼事？
小翊。 會好好讀書， 然後我就可以很光明正大的在老師面前崇拜他。
５８. 哪位底迪會在深山迷路？
狗和毛弟。
５９. 如果你在廁所遇到敖犬？
會說嗨。
６０. 如果你在旅館外巧遇王子？
會看衣服有沒有穿好， 會不會著涼。
６１. 如果你在腳底按摩店外巧遇阿緯？
會幸福。
６２. 如果你在妳們學校巧遇到小傑，聽說他要轉到妳們班？
會好好練吉他。
６３. 如果你在你家門口巧遇到提著行李欲哭無淚的威廉？
是要收留他嗎?
６４. 如果你在馬桶冰店外巧遇小煜？
嗯， 很好。
６５. 最想跟哪位底迪完高空彈跳？
阿緯。
６６. 最想和哪位底迪一起去秋名山飆車？
緯。
６７. 如果你變成的瑞希，你希望誰是泉？
緯。
６８. 那希望誰是秀伊？
不要。
６９. 哪的底迪做的料理你最想吃？
緯。
７０. 如果毛弟有一天演著驚驚到你房間？
喔。
７１. 除了六底迪之外，最想跟誰分享食物？
鮪魚吧。
７２. 想跟哪個底迪穿什麼風格的情侶裝？
緯。穿new urban male 的吊嘎。
７３. 如果你最喜歡的底迪是暴露狂？
這個嘛。
７４. 最喜歡哪的底迪送的禮物？
緯。
７５. 如果有一個底迪其實是女生，你覺得是誰？
小濱。
７６. 如果一定要有目前留在棒棒堂的底迪要離開，你會覺得是誰？
不要。
７７. 如果你的朋友，是你最愛的底迪的女朋友？
我朋友愛廖俊傑。
７８. 哪的底弟最有心機？
我怎麼知道。
７９. 如果小Ｔ跟林志玲有誹聞？
身高沒有距離嗎?
８０. 最拒災難相的底迪？
拒災難相?
８１. 哪個底迪你覺得毀容會比現在好看？
沒?
８２. 哪個底迪最沒存在感？
野草。 銓兒。
８３. 哪的底迪會讓你產生工作人員的錯覺？
恩。
８４. 如果你碰到王子翹折２郎腿挖鼻孔？
很台。
８５. 如果阿緯他說他會為了你放棄長高？
<3
８６. 哪的底迪有便秘的問題？
小煜好像有。
８７. 哪個底迪說話最冷？
阿杰。
８８. 如果亨利坐進底迪之中？
可以。
８９. 如果有一天棒棒堂底迪各寫一封情書給你？
收起來。
９０. 如果有一天晃到六底迪宿舍外，你覺得他們在裡面幹麻？
打電動。
９１. 如果你在淡水老街看到小馬穿著蜘蛛人的衣服跳ｐｏｐｐｉｎｇ？
錄影中?
９２. 如果有３個底迪飆車你會覺得是哪３個？
緯。煜。犬。
９３. 哪個底迪最可能喜歡 Ｈｅｌｌｏ Ｋｉｔｔｙ ？
阿本。
９４. 如果你看到牙膏跟小Ｔ牽手逛菜市場？
就錄節目嗎?
９５. 你覺得哪個底迪最會惹麻煩？
威廉。
９６. 哪個底迪扮女生會令人做噁？
很多都會。
９７. 哪個底迪最表裡不一？
這我哪知?
９８. 如果你看到Ｔｅｒｒｙ鬼鬼祟祟的從女廁出來？
這個。。。
９９. 想像阿本全身肌肉的樣子？
不要。
１００. 哪個底迪最像宅男?
傑兒。
很認真的把這個寫完了。 就想念了。 然後很痛， 所以說想念是會呼吸的痛嗎?
但， 也充滿希望。
明天要比今天努力的練吉他。
Tuesday, 8 May 2012
everything somewhat ended right now, and maybe i'll get a semblance of normalcy this summer. however, it is so difficult to revert back to my old life when i'm so used to my new one; where i rush everywhere almost everyday, try to survive on minimal sleep, can't wait to get on my computer everyday & is just basically complaining about the amount(or lack) of time i've for myself.
right now, it feels a bit disorientating. the fact that i've so much time to myself and i can pace myself in whatever way i want. its not exactly bad, but its definitely not good.
i couldn't get a summer job 'cause of my weird schedules, with enrichment courses every now and then, camp meetings and stuff from cca that i need to complete. but it feels like i've too much time at home. i know i've a lot on hand, and i'm on a really tight deadline for the video that i've to complete, but i just can't bring myself to do it. it seems as if procrastination has came back for me again. & right now, what i really want to do is to find some job or activities that will allow me to go outside, talk to people and probably, be less socially awkward at the end of this summer.
sigh, time to construct a summer timetable.
and, btw, i really want to get away from singapore
right now, it feels a bit disorientating. the fact that i've so much time to myself and i can pace myself in whatever way i want. its not exactly bad, but its definitely not good.
i couldn't get a summer job 'cause of my weird schedules, with enrichment courses every now and then, camp meetings and stuff from cca that i need to complete. but it feels like i've too much time at home. i know i've a lot on hand, and i'm on a really tight deadline for the video that i've to complete, but i just can't bring myself to do it. it seems as if procrastination has came back for me again. & right now, what i really want to do is to find some job or activities that will allow me to go outside, talk to people and probably, be less socially awkward at the end of this summer.
sigh, time to construct a summer timetable.
and, btw, i really want to get away from singapore
Sunday, 29 April 2012
making 10 promises to myself :
1. I'm not going to play GW2 no matter how good it is, at least for this summer.
2. I'm going to get out of this mess to the best of my ability by this summer. & by that, I mean without giving people the wrong idea which means I only have 3 days to work on it. & its highly impossible.
3. I'm going to treat my heart better & take care of it since its so essential for my survival.
4. I'll not bid for Yeow Leong unless my Meta group decides to, cause we're so doing everything together. 5. I'll stop joining events to the best of my ability.
6. I'm going to be a good girl and show people what I can do & not do what I should not do to lessen misunderstandings.
7. I'm ttly going to outshine you, just wait. & this is not because you're important, I'm just tired of people talking to me as if they're better.
8. I'm going on an adventure by MYSELF.
1. I'm not going to play GW2 no matter how good it is, at least for this summer.
2. I'm going to get out of this mess to the best of my ability by this summer. & by that, I mean without giving people the wrong idea which means I only have 3 days to work on it. & its highly impossible.
3. I'm going to treat my heart better & take care of it since its so essential for my survival.
4. I'll not bid for Yeow Leong unless my Meta group decides to, cause we're so doing everything together. 5. I'll stop joining events to the best of my ability.
6. I'm going to be a good girl and show people what I can do & not do what I should not do to lessen misunderstandings.
7. I'm ttly going to outshine you, just wait. & this is not because you're important, I'm just tired of people talking to me as if they're better.
8. I'm going on an adventure by MYSELF.
Friday, 27 April 2012
the last time i blogged was around a month ago?
in deep confusion now. i really don't know what i want & despise myself for the bad attitude. but somehow, i just couldn't help it. i think maybe its a somewhat defensive stance to what's happening right now?
how i hate not having a clear picture & how i hate people not telling me things straight forwardly and instead try to speak in riddles as if we understand each other. maybe we used to, and we used to have fun doing that, but right now, i just like things to be stated clearly. i'm too tired for all these already.
i'm really not good at this. at accepting people's niceness to me when i'm not sure if i can reciprocate it in anyway. somehow, i just want to run away when i'm sure that i can't be as nice as i used to be anymore. and i'm not good at this too, at making changes to my original plan, just 'cause people offered to be nice. i don't even know what i should do anymore. sigh.
maybe i should just leave everything behind and go away for a month. 1 month later, i'll come back and see what i should do. life's so screwed.
Monday, 26 March 2012
've no motivation. officially.
actually it has been like this since the start of this sem, but i thought it had gotten a lot better before/after recess week when i really hardcore-mugged and practiced for my exams. but apparently, im losing it again.
i thought that OOAD & DM had reignited the passion within me. but apparently not, i'm just studying for the sake of studying, so that i won't feel guilty for not doing any work. which i really had a taste of yesterday, abit on saturday & today.
the worst thing?
this 3 weeks should be the time where i devote all my time into studying with 3 major projects due these 2 weeks & all the cca stuff.
seriously, i don't know what had gotten into me.
all i want to do is give everything up & then wait in my room for summer to come.
i don't know. motivation, will you come back to me if i really let myself take a oneday break during week 14 without thinking about school work?
actually it has been like this since the start of this sem, but i thought it had gotten a lot better before/after recess week when i really hardcore-mugged and practiced for my exams. but apparently, im losing it again.
i thought that OOAD & DM had reignited the passion within me. but apparently not, i'm just studying for the sake of studying, so that i won't feel guilty for not doing any work. which i really had a taste of yesterday, abit on saturday & today.
the worst thing?
this 3 weeks should be the time where i devote all my time into studying with 3 major projects due these 2 weeks & all the cca stuff.
seriously, i don't know what had gotten into me.
all i want to do is give everything up & then wait in my room for summer to come.
i don't know. motivation, will you come back to me if i really let myself take a oneday break during week 14 without thinking about school work?
Saturday, 17 March 2012
I need to write soon. Whether it is for the happiness I feel when people shower me with compliments or for my own sense of satisfaction, I think I need to write soon.
My language certainly needs brushing up as compared to last time when it flows more fluently but, I think I can leave with it. So yes, I'm going to start writing again once I fixed my Acer laptop which has tons of my plot bunnies. & hopefully I can resist this urge till after finals (:
Feels good to have a goal which is so related to what I used to love so much.
My language certainly needs brushing up as compared to last time when it flows more fluently but, I think I can leave with it. So yes, I'm going to start writing again once I fixed my Acer laptop which has tons of my plot bunnies. & hopefully I can resist this urge till after finals (:
Feels good to have a goal which is so related to what I used to love so much.
Wednesday, 7 March 2012
I know I shouldn't pressurize my mum, but somehow I just can't help it. I really want her to be back. Its making me sound like a kid, missing my mum so much but that's just the reality. I need her back.
Really hate all those irresponsible adults who doesn't take up their responsibilities and expects everyone else to clean their asses from them. Who do they think they are?
& srsly guys who drink excessively are so not cool. esp when they get wasted and puke all over the place and yet doesn't clean up after themselves well.
I feel sorry for making my mum worry more than she should by bombarding her with some facts that I should have kept mum about till she comes back. But I just can't help it. All the emotions just surge up at the same time, making me feel so helpless & loss.
& my super nice dad who called to make sure I'm okay. If only everything is super simple & everyone can be always happy.
Really hate all those irresponsible adults who doesn't take up their responsibilities and expects everyone else to clean their asses from them. Who do they think they are?
& srsly guys who drink excessively are so not cool. esp when they get wasted and puke all over the place and yet doesn't clean up after themselves well.
I feel sorry for making my mum worry more than she should by bombarding her with some facts that I should have kept mum about till she comes back. But I just can't help it. All the emotions just surge up at the same time, making me feel so helpless & loss.
& my super nice dad who called to make sure I'm okay. If only everything is super simple & everyone can be always happy.
Monday, 5 March 2012
Hello.
Was supposed to sleep since an hour ago so that I can wake up to study for DM, but somehow I got carried away with talking to people.
It feels like my life is in a mess now, with tons of things to do, deadlines that I've officially missed, and exams that I've yet to study for.
I really need to wake up early tomorrow to finish and touch up my storyboard for the video so that I can officially hand it up.
Had been talking to some NY people that I've never thought of talking to ever again 'cause of clubbing & it is somehow ironic how we all caught up in clubs? Guess that's just the way we are.
Am somewhat confused nowadays. Feeling like giving up already. Totally lost the determination that I had last sem. Probably this sem didn't start off in the right way? Its like I'm already thinking of quitting since week 1 & thanks to my senior that had a long talk with me, I changed my mindset.
But still, that negativity had somehow stayed with me, I guess. Especially when my GPA this sem doesn't look good at all.
I'm feeling super lost now. I've awesome friends & a pretty supportive boyfriend, but its like I'm still all alone. There's no one that I can talk to for all my troubles, not even my mum, since some of them are just things that you can't share with anyone at all. Like a dirty little secret that you just want to keep to yourself forever.
So maybe, I should start doing up a studying and meeting timetable so that I can manage my time better and finish all my assignments on time. Hopefully, everything will turn out fine in the end.
Was supposed to sleep since an hour ago so that I can wake up to study for DM, but somehow I got carried away with talking to people.
It feels like my life is in a mess now, with tons of things to do, deadlines that I've officially missed, and exams that I've yet to study for.
I really need to wake up early tomorrow to finish and touch up my storyboard for the video so that I can officially hand it up.
Had been talking to some NY people that I've never thought of talking to ever again 'cause of clubbing & it is somehow ironic how we all caught up in clubs? Guess that's just the way we are.
Am somewhat confused nowadays. Feeling like giving up already. Totally lost the determination that I had last sem. Probably this sem didn't start off in the right way? Its like I'm already thinking of quitting since week 1 & thanks to my senior that had a long talk with me, I changed my mindset.
But still, that negativity had somehow stayed with me, I guess. Especially when my GPA this sem doesn't look good at all.
I'm feeling super lost now. I've awesome friends & a pretty supportive boyfriend, but its like I'm still all alone. There's no one that I can talk to for all my troubles, not even my mum, since some of them are just things that you can't share with anyone at all. Like a dirty little secret that you just want to keep to yourself forever.
So maybe, I should start doing up a studying and meeting timetable so that I can manage my time better and finish all my assignments on time. Hopefully, everything will turn out fine in the end.
There is never jealousy where there is not strong regard.
Washington Irving
Thursday, 1 March 2012
Tuesday, 31 January 2012
Last day of the first month of 2012.
So new resolution for no reason when Im sitting in my living room at 0715.
Yep, will stop whining about my work & boyfriend.
The latter is something that I somewhat feel guilty about since he's being so nice, but when Im tired & want to whine about everything he comes into the picture too.
So, will revert back to the person who don't whine about these stuff and is intensely private about it! (:
Looking forward to Friday! Going to mug real hard in the morning. And then spend quality time with my boy. (:
So new resolution for no reason when Im sitting in my living room at 0715.
Yep, will stop whining about my work & boyfriend.
The latter is something that I somewhat feel guilty about since he's being so nice, but when Im tired & want to whine about everything he comes into the picture too.
So, will revert back to the person who don't whine about these stuff and is intensely private about it! (:
Looking forward to Friday! Going to mug real hard in the morning. And then spend quality time with my boy. (:
Tuesday, 24 January 2012
Just saw a quote on twitter/fb. "Everyone has that one crush that they can't get over." Not that I disagree with it, but if its true, doesn't it mean that if they don't end up with that crush, they're going to think about them for the rest of their life? And maybe, that's what's really happening. Even when you're married & old, you'll still think back and rmb that one person who had occupied your heart/mind for that brief moment when you were young.
It's not like you're unhappy, just that there's this what if?
Don't really know why Im analyzing it right now. But somehow it seems apt & interesting? And I seriously need to rewatch 500 days of Summer. Used to find it ridiculous but right now, I really get it. Relationships are somehow like this when you grow up.
Suffering from insonmia now & I've less that 5 hrs of sleep if I manage to sleep in 4 mins which is impossible. Should spend the time right now studying, but really cannot find my motivation.
Slacked for week 1 & even though I did work in week 2 its minimal. Its like time to really buck up, but then, Sighhhh. Let today be the last day Im slacking like this then.
I influenced you and he influenced me. Then, who's his influence?
It's not like you're unhappy, just that there's this what if?
Don't really know why Im analyzing it right now. But somehow it seems apt & interesting? And I seriously need to rewatch 500 days of Summer. Used to find it ridiculous but right now, I really get it. Relationships are somehow like this when you grow up.
Suffering from insonmia now & I've less that 5 hrs of sleep if I manage to sleep in 4 mins which is impossible. Should spend the time right now studying, but really cannot find my motivation.
Slacked for week 1 & even though I did work in week 2 its minimal. Its like time to really buck up, but then, Sighhhh. Let today be the last day Im slacking like this then.
I influenced you and he influenced me. Then, who's his influence?
Thursday, 19 January 2012
Feeling pretty lucky, even my boyfriend say that I have an easy life, which is kinda true right now.
Like I'm sorta busy now with 2 ccas and one event under my belt. And I have to do up a poster ASAP, do a video in 6 weeks and stuff, but still I'm happy. And my senior offered to give me free clothes from his blog shop!
Yeah, the only thing that is stressing me out right now is school work and my 5 mods. I'm totally unconfident for stats since I don't get anything that the prof is teaching and I'm somewhat slacking in my other classes since I don't have the motivation to study. Idk why too. Sigh.
Studies can go a lot more smoothly, and there's still lots that I have to learn. Thing with boyfriend is going pretty well, but well, you can only hope that things will turn even better. But overall, I'm still super happy. (:
So, YAY!
Like I'm sorta busy now with 2 ccas and one event under my belt. And I have to do up a poster ASAP, do a video in 6 weeks and stuff, but still I'm happy. And my senior offered to give me free clothes from his blog shop!
Yeah, the only thing that is stressing me out right now is school work and my 5 mods. I'm totally unconfident for stats since I don't get anything that the prof is teaching and I'm somewhat slacking in my other classes since I don't have the motivation to study. Idk why too. Sigh.
Studies can go a lot more smoothly, and there's still lots that I have to learn. Thing with boyfriend is going pretty well, but well, you can only hope that things will turn even better. But overall, I'm still super happy. (:
So, YAY!
真的忍不住懷疑你是否真的喜歡她? 或者只是喜歡上戀愛的感覺。 那個可以為別人付出， 彷彿做著世界上就偉大的事情般的感覺。
但是， 我也沒有資格批評吧。
幾乎是百分之百確定我們總有一天會為了這件事吵架， 但是， 我就是不想做也不想要有人逼我。
好朋友總是會給你鄋主意然後再跟你說你真的該有的態度。
只是有時候， 那種奇怪， 行不通的點子反而更讓人心動。
很討厭現在這個情況。
似乎， 我現在的決定會影響我下半輩子。
或許會吧。 但也有可能不會。
所以何必要我這麼早做決定? 可能我的決定會影響他人。
但， 這又不是能草率決定的。
難道要我在短短的幾天內就做出決定嗎?
但是我自己也不知道該怎麼辦阿?
又不是說我會繼續逃避一輩子。 只是現在真的還不是時候。 你們懂嗎?
我想在我腦袋很清楚知道我想要甚麼的時候去。
因為我認為這才是最負責任的行為。
但是， 我也沒有資格批評吧。
幾乎是百分之百確定我們總有一天會為了這件事吵架， 但是， 我就是不想做也不想要有人逼我。
好朋友總是會給你鄋主意然後再跟你說你真的該有的態度。
只是有時候， 那種奇怪， 行不通的點子反而更讓人心動。
很討厭現在這個情況。
似乎， 我現在的決定會影響我下半輩子。
或許會吧。 但也有可能不會。
所以何必要我這麼早做決定? 可能我的決定會影響他人。
但， 這又不是能草率決定的。
難道要我在短短的幾天內就做出決定嗎?
但是我自己也不知道該怎麼辦阿?
又不是說我會繼續逃避一輩子。 只是現在真的還不是時候。 你們懂嗎?
我想在我腦袋很清楚知道我想要甚麼的時候去。
因為我認為這才是最負責任的行為。
Monday, 16 January 2012
love how boyfriend is being so nice. it seems as though he can really sense what I'm feeling (which I always suspect he can) and that's why he's being extremely nice. the bus ride home today is really pretty awesome (:
still feeling very stressed out over some stuff, and I think that I kinda stressed him out too, but somehow, he's being real nice about everything. ever since last week. hearts (: which makes me suspect that there's a conspiracy going on.
my mum that I had missed so badly came back, but its not a happy meeting. we all kinda upset each other.sigh. its now a lot better though, hopefully it'll be even better (:
still feeling very stressed out over some stuff, and I think that I kinda stressed him out too, but somehow, he's being real nice about everything. ever since last week. hearts (: which makes me suspect that there's a conspiracy going on.
my mum that I had missed so badly came back, but its not a happy meeting. we all kinda upset each other.sigh. its now a lot better though, hopefully it'll be even better (:
getting a bit tired and stressed out, not only by school work.
somewhat feeling the stress and pressure setting in. still not ready for a lot of things, but somehow I have to face it or even accept it.
but, the problem is, I really don't want to do this yet. but, I'm in no position to reject it.
and, you who made me confused conveniently left again.
its like, I want to be left alone again.
i still like meeting up, but somehow, in this hectic week, I want some alone time, where I can be left with just my friends and nothing else.
its ironic isn't it, that after i strengthen my resolve on Wednesday, it changed this afternoon for no reason.
17 days.
I don't want it to end up the same way I think it will.
and this time, if it did. I'll have more than enough reasons to feel guilty.
somewhat feeling the stress and pressure setting in. still not ready for a lot of things, but somehow I have to face it or even accept it.
but, the problem is, I really don't want to do this yet. but, I'm in no position to reject it.
and, you who made me confused conveniently left again.
its like, I want to be left alone again.
i still like meeting up, but somehow, in this hectic week, I want some alone time, where I can be left with just my friends and nothing else.
its ironic isn't it, that after i strengthen my resolve on Wednesday, it changed this afternoon for no reason.
17 days.
I don't want it to end up the same way I think it will.
and this time, if it did. I'll have more than enough reasons to feel guilty.
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