feels very insecure now that i've completed all my university application.
i think all the uni website must be sick and tired of me checking their page everyday to see if i'm going to get any favorable response. ): and the documents that i sent to smu haven't reach yet which is worrying me ALOT.

i just hope that i'll get to know the results soon. and i kind of regret not applying earlier even though i really cannot decide on what major i want to take at that time. but then, its not like i have much choice anyway. also, they'll inform those with astounding grades that they want to accept first won't they?

a-i-gu...........

2AM.

2AM,
the voice that manages to touch your heart even if you don't understand the lyrics, don't watch the performance. you just need to listen and their voice will touch your heart.

i always loved closing my eyes whenever i watch their live broadcast. its definitely a luxury just letting their voices wash over you and feel the emotions within. if not that its too dangerous to close my eyes while standing during a concert and too much of a waste not to look at them, i think i'll do it for the whole duration for MULA instead for only a couple of minutes. i really thought that tears are going to fall any minute when i heard ChangMin's voice. somehow, there's some charm and sorrow brought forward whenever i hear him sing that makes a part of me break a little.

someday, i'll want to go to a only 2AM's concert. the first day, i'll look at their performance attentively while the second day, i'll just sit there with my eyes closed and feel the emotions with my heart.


You wouldn't answer my call has to be my favorite song ever from the Saint O'clock album. it has an absolutely amazing MV and song even though i've to admit that i find it a bit creepy when i was watching it at midnight. its so absolutely wonderful that i don't really know how should i describe my feelings towards this song. just that i really think its real good and its one of my fave song for last year.

oneday, i'll really want to meet ChangMin and tell him how much i love his voice.

Secret BigBang.

If you stand at the window where I stood,

If you read the books that I read,

If we can be with each other even just like that,

Then let's... count that as us being together.

I'll miss you a lot. I love you.

-Kim Jootop (Secret BigBang)

Big Bang's parody are always awesome and hilarious max! (: that particular line that Kim Jootop said while crying really touched my heart. at that moment, i thought i was going to cry too even though the storyline isn't fully developed at all. however, top's tears seems to have the effect of making you revel in the sorrow of the main character too.

and this parody kind of reminds me of why i used to like them that much. cause they're so awesomely funny and talented. SeungRi is just EPIC. somebody should cast him and DaeSung in a drama, i'll totally watch it! also, this made me go listen to big bang's current songs which i've been missing out on. and i found one that i really like the concept!

somehow, i like this MV alot. its so subtle and yet full of sexual innuendo. and well, its sexy max. GD seems like a teenager bringing his girl home, while Top is like his father with his new girlfriend? idk why but i just get this feeling when i watch the MV. yeahh, i think this is a song and MV that is wonderfully done.

i think i'm starting to like Big Bang's new genre of music again. even though, i've always like the old hip-hop style, but i guess they do need to grow up and while the new genre is more mainstream in my opinion, its still highly enjoyable in its own way. SeungRi's What Can I do is totally replaying itself in my mind now.

i guess this is how their songs is for me. despite not being my fave immediately the minute i hear it, i'll somehow grow to like it. like how i became addicted to Wedding Dress and I need a girl even when i'm not a big fan of it at first. yeahh, i think i'll go listen to more now! (:

Wednesday.

had finally finished doing up my uni application :D this means that i'll stop having screaming matches with my mama(which is affecting our relationship majorly) because she's pestering me to do it every second i am awake, while i keep trying to put it off as i really don't know what i want to do in future. anyway, its all done now and i just have to print out my stuff and send them all out! (:

went out with my twinnie yesterday afternoon to have lunch at NEX. the taiwan restaurant turn out to be pretty good and cheap too, but the milk tea failed my expectations /: and she kindly accompanied me to PLMGS for Jacq's table tennis match(and surprised her majorly. she literally jumped when she saw me) even though she's not scheduled to play ytd. its a pity that we didn't manage to snap any photos at all ): but, i think we managed to annoy the Hwa Chong teacher-in-charge completely with our incessant chattering! well, i felt a bit like a traitor in the end since i was cheering for TPJC instead of NY, but i guess all is well since NY wasagainst JJ instead (:

yep, and we spent hours at Esplanade by the river talking about everything and helping tourists take photos. it is an amazingly nice place to be that and the ambience was wonderful :D

next time should suggest this as the location for our TOFU outing!

the photo we took with MBS as the background. haha, MBS is the place with tons of Korean related memories for the 2 of us!

yeahh, and dinner with Mei, Gracious and Sam was funny even though my soup was real bland and tonic like ): but i guess that's why the shop has the reputation of being healthy!

some of the shots we took at Charles & Keith with my not so good BB(i still love it lots, btw)

it feels so weird to have a post over-flowing with photos instead of emotions. this could be a good change! (:

KPOP Rants

today shall be my kpop rant day! and my mama is officially back :D(she apparently doesn't know that i'm actually elated by this)



i kinda of like JohnnyPhlo's version of Officially Missing You(my favorite version actually). of course the original version by Tamia was great, but for someone who isn't very good at singing like me, this version gives me a chance to sing this song. not that i'm great with tempo to be able to rap superbly but at least it will be so much better than singing once i master the korean lyrics :D i think this can be my favorite March song (: i really like how it retained the original flavor of the song for the chorus while the rest of the song was more hip-hoppy. (: and the guitar at the background really enhanced the whole feeling of this song (:

btw, one line that i thought was real cool is: i thought i had the key to your heart, i guess you changed locks


and i think this picture is cute! (:

i currently have a soft spot for these non-mainstream artist since they're able to provide me with a nice change of music style. like ONEWAY! Rainy Days was my favorite song for January. <3



and this is another remix by Geeks. (: at first i was baffled by the start sounds so similar before i realize its the same song -.- haha, anyway, its nice too. they tweaked the song quite a lot so it sounds more like their own song instead of a remix. but there's still traces of the original version here and there. of course there's the guitar accompanient in the background too.



and i think its real epic and appropriate that GQ korea decided to get Lee Byung Hun, Kwon Sang Woo, Song Seung Hun and Jung Woo Sung to be on the cover page for their 10th anniversary. after all, these man are real legends in the industry. i still remembered how i used to stay up late just to catch 'All In'. and i still do think that Lee Byung Hun will make the hottest dad ever even though i got out of my crush a bit.

anyway, i've to admit that i'm pretty upset that my SUJU boys haven't made their comeback yet though. what happened to the scheduled for January plan? i need to see them on stage again soon, with Kibummie~~ and i'm real proud that In Kang is doing great these days. (:

also, i haven't finished any of those recent Jay Park videos ): i really don't know what got into me, but somehow i'm so so not motivated to catch up with kpop videos these days ): i just hope that Jay makes his comeback soon. like real real soon so i can be interested again! and i just realized JohnnyPhlo was part of the team for Catch me if you can.

and i thought i should share Rainy Days here too even though i'm not listening to it a lot nowadays. am more of a A Thousand Words fan these days, like i seriously adore it max. but both are great! :D now my only regret is not going for the Oneway performance when i had the chance ):




yeahh, so my conclusion is that i really hope all these awesome songs can get the attention they deserve (:

is feeling super lethargic, but somehow, i just don't feel like sleeping. maybe its because my mama is coming back tomorrow and tonight will be the last night when i'm home alone. kind of want to bask in the feeling and remember how it feel like? however, i'm really really happy that she's coming back tomorrow. the house feels empty when i'm the only one living in it.

anyway, have been going out a lot these three days. first grocery shopping then SUTD talk and a failed picnic. the SUTD talk had been very attractive. seriously if i'm good at designing/drawing i'll want to join that school. the whole environment is very open and yet school-like which is something i think i will enjoy. but, the whole climax of the day lies in the MRT trip back home. i was convulsing in laughter throughout the train ride which makes the whole carriage stare at me. the comic that me and yienchen did was too hilarious esp. when the pic was too big before you shrunk it and all you can see are lips.

this photo is currently my fb dp (:. felt very proud of it as i successfully photoshopped it( not on the face though). and the colors are super nice. now i only regret not choosing the one with blue as an option. i've to uphold my E.L.F identity!

and this is the photo we took tgt that i liked the most even though it isn't very glam. it just feel very realistic. hahaha

also, we saw the SUPER MOON ytd. it only struck me after i went on twitter and see it trending. its really super super big and round!

and apparently, ytd was suppose to be CCS clique picnic but it just failed epicly due to over-sleeping, rainy days and some other factors. so, in the end we just did absolutely nth except sit around and camwhore(mostly Chieh Ling) and talk alot. but no photos yet as no one had uploaded it yet ):

i'm feeling very hungry now but i'm going to stay awake! nowadays, i don't even know what to do online anymore. i'll just look at people come online and go offline and stone for a while, then watch High Kick, play my game for a while and continue stoning. i need to find something useful to do in life. SOON.

housework ):

finally know what a hard time my mama is having everyday, having to take care of us and do all the housework. seriously it is only now that i realize housework aren't meant for humans to do everyday ): once in a while, its fine, but everyday is going to make you ache and feel sore everywhere.

had cooked, washed up, mopped my kitchen and did laundry today, but i'm so so not looking forward to vacuuming ): the vacuum machine is so damn heavy and difficult to move around and not to mention how irritating and painful it is to have the stick bumping or scratching your thighs every few seconds. my love & respect for my mama really went up a lot today.

just hope that she will come back soon ): and i will divide the housework load with her the next time. now, i've to go and hang my laundry ):

Unstoppable Highkick

im so glad that im watching Unstoppable Highkick again. have stopped on it for a long long time after CNY but now that im continuing, it still feels great. so lucky that i chose to have a comedy therapy first :D

Highkick is really really interesting in its own way. somehow, there's a storyline when there isn't one.(i know this sound ridiculous) while there are mundane stuff happening in everyday life, there'll be things that happen and make up into the greater picture. thats why i think this show is great. it is super light-hearted and burden free. and my mood definitely raised a few notches after i watched this. maybe i won't need to have the angst therapy after all.

anyway, in the end, my fave character turns out to be Yunho(Jung Il Woo) (: even though i started watching it for Chansung :D but then, Yunho is too cool already. seriously, he's a cool man, and i like it! hahaha, i think i'll start on a few of his other shows after i finish Highkick(which wouldn't happen anytime soon since it has 160+ eps) and i had a feeling that Minjung start liking Yunho/the two of them will form a love-line since he's always standing up for her/taking care of her when she's upset. and omomo i've a feeling that i'm right!(since i've just went to look for some Highkick cast photos and end up reading some stuff about the ending /:) okay well, maybe not exactly but well Yunho likes her. am upset, really since this is a show that i really will want to watch on my own from start to end, but i guess i can fill in the remaining gaps in between and enjoy them as much too!

COOL BOY!

in conclusion, Unstoppable Highkick is really a wonderful sitcom(even though im only about 1/4 way through) KaeSung's house ahjumma always give me the creeps in a way, but then it doesn't dampen how great i think it is!

somehow, i kinda hope Mediacorp will make it into a full hour series like what they've been doing with Pink Lipstick etc... and air this instead. we've enough angsty moments in our life and this kind of nonsensical and yet heart-warming family sitcom is just what we should have. so, i LOVE HIGHKICK! (:

Jae

Goodbye.

這裡沒有我們

只有

你和我

somehow, i always regret what i say.

maybe this is a sign that i should think more of what i say first.

and probably, excessive sharing isn't that wonderful after all.

i need to keep some of it to myself.

after all,

thank you.

somehow, i'm kind of thankful for the failed friendships i've had in the past 2 years, esp the last one. they've really made me grow into a better person who is more willing to share. maybe like what they said, i don't understand the need of mutuality in a relationship. however, i do think i know that it is necessary, but, i refuse to express it openly. instead, i prefer keeping all my thoughts to myself.

this might be due to the past friendships i had, where we don't always need to keep in touch, show our care and concern outrightly, but we will just be there for each other whenever someone needs it. maybe its because i have the pre-conception that every friend around me will be similar which is why it didn't work out well.

but somehow, i think i've learnt how to share now. i was always told that i don't know how to share. i'm hard to get close to. i don't open up to others. maybe, the perfect description is a cold city girl? however, i think i'm starting to change. now, i'll tell my friends about my happiness or worries. there are times when i'm worried that i might be troubling them, that they will find me irritating when they already have enough troubles on their plates.

on the other hand, relationship is all about sharing isn't it? when you put your burden on another person, they'll put theirs back on to you. and in that way, the two of you become closer and feel a lot better knowing that you've someone you can share your secrets with.

i always liked keeping my feelings toward JAE private, as a secret. i desperately want it to be something that only me and myself know. it is till now that i realize, rather than keeping it to yourself, sharing it with your friends and letting them get excited together with you is the best feeling. just like how i felt when one of my good friend told me she's attached.

you might feel a bit lonely at the thought of having to be alone. but at the same time, you'll be so happy over them finding their happiness that the momentarily sense of loss really doesn't matter anymore.

a really really big thank you to all those that have been with me, providing tons of support since Friday. to all those whom helped me, listened to my troubles when i'm having difficulty deciding what i want to major in. eventually, i'm still not able to decide, but i'm real grateful to all those advice i had at that time. it feels a lot better after you've let out all your insecurities that you've been having and listened to suggestions which may be useful. thank you for being here for me when i needed someone to talk to(:

suddenly, the world feels like such a wonderful place. when you know there will always be a group of friends you can fall back on when you're lost in life.

feel very immature once again for not looking at the greater picture and get excited over supposedly mundane stuff at this point in time. i haven't looked through my university application stuff at all after friday because of all the hectic-ness happening in my life now, but i know this shouldn't be a reason at all.

my life is just 100% procrastination. and i'm always waiting for a miracle. but now, i'm going to stop. after all, after all these years i've finally realized the cruel truth that if you don't put in any effort, you're not going to reap any profits at all. and it applies to every single situation.

그만하자. this isn't the time for this.

next time at least say goodbye.

i wished that everyone will do well but i can't help feeling so disappointed in myself. its not that i think too highly of myself, or i look down on others. but, somehow, i thought i will be one of those that did quite well or at least better.

when i look at my results without comparing i don't feel that bad as i find it okay even though i'm disappointed. after all, i know what mistakes i did. but its with comparison when you finally feel the setback. it feels as though the effort you've put in, which you know is so much more than some others isn't reaped at all. it seems as though life is meant to fail you. it is as if the whole world moved forward in a fast forward motion to do better when you're the only one standing still. i don't know how i should feel now. really.

sometimes i wish, my world consist of only me. so i wouldn't feel the heartache i get because of what i don't get to have in the end.

just realized how majorly immature i am. just because i'm not happy with my results made me more determined to do what i wanted to do, without thinking about his feelings. without considering about how he felt about his too. without considering, maybe he have enough on his plate without me trying to disturb him. somehow, i always manage to do things without thinking and regret afterwards.

JAE, i'm sorry.

and twinnie, i'm sorry for my foolishness and not considering the situation at hand too.

love letter.

情書。

從兩三年前在讀另外一篇小說時發現的電影。 還記得作者是提到男主角站在窗旁看書的那一幕。那一刻起我就對這部電影產生好奇， 這幾年裡也嘗試看了好幾遍。 但， 只有在今天， 在這個下著雨的下午才終於把它看完。

一開始會覺得鏡頭有時在同一個畫面停留得太久了， 尤其是開場的雪景。 不過， 到最後才發現那或許是必要的吧。 看著女主角在雪中奔跑的畫面很唯美， 但卻是種心痛。 彷彿她們的愛戀都被拋在那堆雪中， 被寒冷的冬天凍結了， 而她們只能試掙脫， 將它遺留。

或許雪的存在只是為了讓畫面看起來更動人， 但對我來說它似乎在提醒著已經無法重來、 已經死去的愛情。

看到最後印象最深刻的畫面很多。 有男主角受傷了也要自己參加比賽時的堅持， 女主角拼命喊你好嗎， 我很好的心酸。 還有另一個女主角在男主角死後才發現自己的初戀的無奈。

說真的到最後真的無從得知男主角有沒有愛過他的未婚妻， 還是一直把她當成初戀對象的替代品。 甚至覺得後來， 真正幸福的只有男主角吧。 未婚妻在他死後因為太想念而無意的探索到他的過去， 結果查到另自己難過的事實。 而初戀情人只能在一切結束已經ㄐㄧㄝˊ後才了解真相。

老實說， 它沒有很多現在賣座電影裡面的華麗場景。 但， 那簡單卻深刻的畫面卻會讓在看完後感到無比的心酸。

這就是初戀吧。 在給予許多幻想的時候也帶來的很多的無奈。

oneday.

why is it so ironic that when you're interested in a thing they never seem to be there, but after you lose interest they just pop up from everywhere?

srsly, why so many awesome writers start writing when i've lost my reading interest?

anyway, talked to some strangers on my fb friend list and some friends i've not talked in ages to sell byg tix just now.

being overly-enthusiastic for nth. tbh, i don't understand myself too. why so enthu this year when all i did is mope last year? i feel embarrassed now.

it should be a blessing that he's not online at that time to see me do this kind of awkward stuff.

why am i trying so hard? srsly.

One day you'll come to me and ask me what's more important: You or my life. I'll say my life and you'll walk away never knowing that you're my life.