Being awake in the middle of the night with a thunderstorm brewing can make you poetic or depressed. It just so happens that the latter suits me better as I look back on the past few months and realized I had done nothing productive.
There's the reality of having a restriction on what I'm being able to do, but, honestly, I'm pretty disappointed with the lack of books I've read. I could pretty much find reasons to legitimize the fact that I didn't take up lessons when April started. But the fact that I chose to squander my time away upsets me vastly.
I could easily argue that I'm not spending anymore time than before on 2PM's videos and in fact I had cut down on it a lot. But the other variety shows that I don't normally watch start accumulating until I'm spending half my day in front of the tv and another half online doing nothing much. I've been reading A LOT and I could easily boast about the hundreds of fanfiction/online novels I've read during this period of time and how I'm able to finish a nastily long one in a day. But it's not the same anymore. I used to be able to somewhat do that too while I was studying and using it as a study break.
I don't seem to be able to tell anyone about any tangible novels/classics I've read. I still don't understand a single thing from Pride&Prejudice, Great Expectations is still on the list of books I'm never going to finish and Jude the Obscure is going to join that list soon if I don't get past the 9th chapter within this mth. Somehow, I dread wasting all these time and whine about them, but when the time comes, instead of reading 'real' books, I'll rather read online stuff(where some are breathtakingly amazing, and I don't think them as a lesser thing as compared to classice). Its just a vicious cycle that I'm never going to get out of until I get a grip on myself even though online novels are addictive. Also, I've found never seen videos of my boys and I love watching them goofing around a lot which means my books are not going to be touched any day soon.
However, I really need a change. In some ways, I think that my vocabulary had been growing at an acceptable rate but my ability to converse decently had been going downhill at an exceedingly alarming rate. I mean, I stammered when I went back to visit my chinese teacher, and I had problems trying to express gratitude towards my lit teacher. And I'll like to blame it on the Korean shows I'm watching since I'm mainly living on them nowadays. And the fact that despite my Korean improving it doesn't fill up for the gap that've been created with my English and Chinese. And now, I've decided to flip through my Japanese notes again as my boys had all decided to be conquering the Jap industry at the same time which makes me desperate to pick up the language again in a feeble attempt to understand them.
I've a feeling that they only thing that I'm able to boast about at the end of this month is my contemporary dance lessons and me finishing the book 'The Good Earth'. It was easily my favorite Lit text during my secondary years despite me not being able to explain the reasons. Till now, when I'm re-reading it, I can't help but be captivated with the story-line and the cruel truth that's so blatantly portrayed in the book.
Thank you to anyone who had been able to make it this far into this post. I felt that it was unnecessary to rant on for this long but it somehow tumbled out of my brain with a will of its own.
And seeing how a storm had been going on for more than an hour before the rain fell reminds me of a line a certain Reborn fan had once mentioned. 'There could be a storm without the rain, but there wouldn't be a rain without a storm.'
So, my aim for June will be more reading of non-online stuff, and less watching of Korean shows. So that while my vocab grows, my language abilities won't drop too. Lastly, its alarming how time manages to pass so fast that 6 months of my holidays are gone and school is starting in August. Can't say I'm not looking forward to school, but I had hoped that I had made full use of my time.
P.S. I suddenly remembered all the desert experiments in Dec when I was bent on learning baking and was extremely addicted to Baking King Kim Tak Gu.
Thursday, 26 May 2011
Sunday, 22 May 2011
so near yet so far.
Its the weekend, sunday and the day of Rain's concert. And its till now that my puny brain registered the fact that my 2PM boys are currently in SG!
Gosh, I feel like an imbecile now. I thought that I've caught up with all the korean news I had to know after spending time to catch up, but I've missed the most impt part! ): PM will be in sg filming for their MV! News was released on Wed and I only knew of it now.
That means they will be somewhere you can see them if you're lucky instead of pining for them in front of the com.
And I'm too lazy and feeling too sick to get my lazy ass out of the house ):
And my plan of seducing Chan Sung to marry me with an endless supply of bananas are gonna fail. Maybe next time I should earn lots of money and buy a banana plantation in Korea and become a farmer, the invite him to the farm. Yes, that sounds like a good plan! Heheheh.
A-i-gu. Why is my life like this? With my fave boy so near yet so far from me.
Gosh, I feel like an imbecile now. I thought that I've caught up with all the korean news I had to know after spending time to catch up, but I've missed the most impt part! ): PM will be in sg filming for their MV! News was released on Wed and I only knew of it now.
That means they will be somewhere you can see them if you're lucky instead of pining for them in front of the com.
And I'm too lazy and feeling too sick to get my lazy ass out of the house ):
And my plan of seducing Chan Sung to marry me with an endless supply of bananas are gonna fail. Maybe next time I should earn lots of money and buy a banana plantation in Korea and become a farmer, the invite him to the farm. Yes, that sounds like a good plan! Heheheh.
A-i-gu. Why is my life like this? With my fave boy so near yet so far from me.
Thursday, 19 May 2011
Arrivederci.
Everytime i visit my previous blog, it'll somehow feel bitter-sweet. A smile will be plastered on my face when I read through those posts that make no sense and are overly enthusiastic, and yet, it falters a little when I realize that most of the post nearing the end of last year are far too emotional for my liking. Beneath the rants of my fangirl-ism, it will end with the confusion that I was feeling during that period of time, the over-whelming sense of idk what. I promised myself that I will throw everything away, all the bad memories/emotions will be stored in the trash can when I move on to a new place, but I couldn't stop myself as I type out this post. So let it be a tribute to my old blog that had been with me faithfully since 2006.
It took me a lot of courage and struggles before I manage to detach myself away from it. The thought of changing a blog crossed my mind multiple times, and each time, I'll fail, as I believe that blogging in the same place will be the best way to collect all your memories during your adolescent year.
Its heartbreaking in a way, that I've moved away because of people I don't like and that don't like me. I've wanted to move at first because I wanted to try out another site. But in the end, it had to turn out this way. I really don't like the fact that the last few days of my blog is so gloomy. Despite it ending on having a postive outlook for the future, in general, I detest how it seem that I'm running away to make a new start. Running away from the minority that read my blog cause I just don't want them involved in my life anymore. Yes, in my own way of rejection, as a childish revenge, I made sure those who are/might be reading about my life from my blog won't be able to do so anymore.
It turned out pretty well considering how I had 40 plus posts here within 3 mths. Its just a sign that I'm feeling at home here. But then, the nostalgia is not going to vanish just because I willed it to. I'll still miss it at random times during the night and go back and read my past posts and laugh at myself.
Up till now, it is still regretful that I've abandoned it for people whom I shouldn't cared about at all(at least not anymore). But then, I refuse to see it as an act of cowardice, no matter how many times this word flashes through my mind when I think about it. I want to see it as an act of growing up. It might seem that I'm trying to honey-coat my gestures and in reality it might be the case, but there's always two sides to an issue, and I'm going to see it as a positive move.
Just like, how an umbilical cord needs to be cut before the baby can grow up in a new environment, cutting myself away provides me a new place to grow up.
I haven't ranted enough and in my consciousness, I yearn to delve into a never-ending complain about stuff/people. But I think its enough to stop here. Any further I go will be a sign of weakness, a sign of not being able to put the past behind me.
Some people might wonder why I'm so caught up with this issue even after months of healing. I guess its just something that you don't get over so easily. Instead the memories just fade away as days goes by as it no longer is an important aspect in your life, till you forget about it altogether.
I loved to give my post an italian title last time, and I'll do it too this time round! I only hope this goodbye will last long enough till I no longer feel any discomfort within my heart when this is going to be brought up again.
I'll always see this quote when I watch videos from an user called 2PMLove on yt. And due to genre of videos she's posting, this saying fits in with the videos a lot and always make me break a little on the inside. Yes, but remember - life goes on. The minute my rants finish, I've got to find something else to do before turning in tonight at a hideously unacceptable timing.
In fact, I think this will be a good place to stop. I've poured out my bottled-up emotions that I've neglected until now and its enough.
Instead of looking at the past and whining about it, looking forward is a much better choice. The you of today is shaped by what you've done in the past, but what's most important is the decision you make today. After all, today can't exist without yesterday and there'll be no tomorrow without today. If I can't get past the old memories, I wouldn't have a present, much less a future. So let's stop.
I really hope that this will be last time I'll need a blog post as a remnant of the emotions that I've felt last year. I've been ready since the past 5 months for a new start, and I managed it, so my heart, listen to me and let's not look back anymore. Keeping what I have now, and cherishing them while embracing the new future is a much better idea.
It took me a lot of courage and struggles before I manage to detach myself away from it. The thought of changing a blog crossed my mind multiple times, and each time, I'll fail, as I believe that blogging in the same place will be the best way to collect all your memories during your adolescent year.
Its heartbreaking in a way, that I've moved away because of people I don't like and that don't like me. I've wanted to move at first because I wanted to try out another site. But in the end, it had to turn out this way. I really don't like the fact that the last few days of my blog is so gloomy. Despite it ending on having a postive outlook for the future, in general, I detest how it seem that I'm running away to make a new start. Running away from the minority that read my blog cause I just don't want them involved in my life anymore. Yes, in my own way of rejection, as a childish revenge, I made sure those who are/might be reading about my life from my blog won't be able to do so anymore.
It turned out pretty well considering how I had 40 plus posts here within 3 mths. Its just a sign that I'm feeling at home here. But then, the nostalgia is not going to vanish just because I willed it to. I'll still miss it at random times during the night and go back and read my past posts and laugh at myself.
Up till now, it is still regretful that I've abandoned it for people whom I shouldn't cared about at all(at least not anymore). But then, I refuse to see it as an act of cowardice, no matter how many times this word flashes through my mind when I think about it. I want to see it as an act of growing up. It might seem that I'm trying to honey-coat my gestures and in reality it might be the case, but there's always two sides to an issue, and I'm going to see it as a positive move.
Just like, how an umbilical cord needs to be cut before the baby can grow up in a new environment, cutting myself away provides me a new place to grow up.
I haven't ranted enough and in my consciousness, I yearn to delve into a never-ending complain about stuff/people. But I think its enough to stop here. Any further I go will be a sign of weakness, a sign of not being able to put the past behind me.
Some people might wonder why I'm so caught up with this issue even after months of healing. I guess its just something that you don't get over so easily. Instead the memories just fade away as days goes by as it no longer is an important aspect in your life, till you forget about it altogether.
I loved to give my post an italian title last time, and I'll do it too this time round! I only hope this goodbye will last long enough till I no longer feel any discomfort within my heart when this is going to be brought up again.
you have to take the good with the bad, smile with the sad. love what you got, and remember what you had. always forgive, but never forget. learn from your mistakes, but never regret. people change, things go wrong, but remember - life goes on.
I'll always see this quote when I watch videos from an user called 2PMLove on yt. And due to genre of videos she's posting, this saying fits in with the videos a lot and always make me break a little on the inside. Yes, but remember - life goes on. The minute my rants finish, I've got to find something else to do before turning in tonight at a hideously unacceptable timing.
In fact, I think this will be a good place to stop. I've poured out my bottled-up emotions that I've neglected until now and its enough.
Instead of looking at the past and whining about it, looking forward is a much better choice. The you of today is shaped by what you've done in the past, but what's most important is the decision you make today. After all, today can't exist without yesterday and there'll be no tomorrow without today. If I can't get past the old memories, I wouldn't have a present, much less a future. So let's stop.
I really hope that this will be last time I'll need a blog post as a remnant of the emotions that I've felt last year. I've been ready since the past 5 months for a new start, and I managed it, so my heart, listen to me and let's not look back anymore. Keeping what I have now, and cherishing them while embracing the new future is a much better idea.
Wednesday, 18 May 2011
Monday, 16 May 2011
Heartbeat.
Can you feel my heartbeat
니가 짓밟고 떠난 심장이
아직도 뛰고 있어
그것도 너를 향해.
잊으려고 아무리 노력해봐도
새로운 사람들을 아무리 만나봐도
계속 다시 또 다시 돌아서면 왜 니 생각만 나는지
안 할래 그만할래
아무리 내 자신을 달래고 또 달래 봐도
아무 소용이 없어 내 심장이 고장나 버렸어 왜
왜 아직도 나는 이런 바보 같은 짓을 하는지
머리론 알겠는데 가슴은 왜 지 맘대론지
너를 잡고 놓지를 못해 지금도 니가 나의 곁에
있는 것 같애 이별을 믿지 못해
누굴 만나도 마음 속 한곳은 열지 못하고 계속 니 자릴 비워놔
올 리가 없는데 올지도 모른다고 왜 믿는지 가슴이 왜 말을 안 듣니
Listen to my Heartbeat. It’s beating for you
Listen to my Heartbeat. It’s waiting for you
끝났다는 걸 아직도 몰라 왜 이러는지 이해가 안가
Listen to my Heartbeat. It’s beating for you
Listen to my Heartbeat. It’s waiting for you
너의 생각에 아직도 아파 가슴이 뛸 때 마다 생각나
잊어야 해 잊어야 살수 있어
지워 버려야만 해 안 그러면 내가 죽어
Stop trying to get her back. She ain’t coming
She’s gone, gotta be moving on.
갔어 오지 않아 그년 니 생각 하지 않아
그녀는 내가 기다리는걸 전혀 모른 채 잘 살고 있어
그녀는 이미 날 잊었어 완전히 지웠어 왜 나는 그렇게 못하니
Listen to my Heartbeat. It’s beating for you
Listen to my Heartbeat. It’s waiting for you
끝났다는 걸 아직도 몰라 왜 이러는지 이해가 안가
Listen to my Heartbeat. It’s beating for you
Listen to my Heartbeat. It’s waiting for you
너의 생각에 아직도 아파 가슴이 뛸 때 마다 생각나
My heart is beating faster and faster (x4)
Sunday, 15 May 2011
Contemporary dance.
woah.
i hope that thursday will never ever come.
next thursday is supposed to be the start of my first contemporary dance lesson and i've just realized i don't have any background knowledge on it. when i saw a fusion of modern dance and post-modern dance, i immediately thought of modern dance with hip hop/jazz. and my presumption's totally wrong. there's nothing hip hop abt the whole thing! i even misread the box for the hip-hop and contemporary genre and misunderstood the whole thing.
this is what it is about:
Contemporary dance is a genre of concert dance that employs compositional philosophy, rather than choreography, to guide unchoreographed movement. It uses dance techniques and methods found in ballet, modern dance and postmodern dance, and it also draws from other philosophies of movement that are outside the realm of classical dance technique.
cr: wikipedia
and we'll be doing lots of stretching and dancing bare footed. wow, this is too great a challenge for me alr. i am inflexible to the max!! i should have read the introductions for the lesson early in the morning and sign up for the class after double checking.
and i really thought that Shinee as a contemporary band do contemporary dances, but they dont, they're more of hip-hop ):
hopefully, i'll survive next thursday and even look forward to the next lesson. at least, the good thing is i'll be able to learn something and i always find modern dances cool even though i've never thought of doing it.
A-I-GU
i hope that thursday will never ever come.
next thursday is supposed to be the start of my first contemporary dance lesson and i've just realized i don't have any background knowledge on it. when i saw a fusion of modern dance and post-modern dance, i immediately thought of modern dance with hip hop/jazz. and my presumption's totally wrong. there's nothing hip hop abt the whole thing! i even misread the box for the hip-hop and contemporary genre and misunderstood the whole thing.
this is what it is about:
Contemporary dance is a genre of concert dance that employs compositional philosophy, rather than choreography, to guide unchoreographed movement. It uses dance techniques and methods found in ballet, modern dance and postmodern dance, and it also draws from other philosophies of movement that are outside the realm of classical dance technique.
cr: wikipedia
and we'll be doing lots of stretching and dancing bare footed. wow, this is too great a challenge for me alr. i am inflexible to the max!! i should have read the introductions for the lesson early in the morning and sign up for the class after double checking.
and i really thought that Shinee as a contemporary band do contemporary dances, but they dont, they're more of hip-hop ):
hopefully, i'll survive next thursday and even look forward to the next lesson. at least, the good thing is i'll be able to learn something and i always find modern dances cool even though i've never thought of doing it.
A-I-GU
Saturday, 14 May 2011
Lonely
The words I’m saying right now, I don’t know if they’ll hurt you
They’ll probably make you hate me forever
You, saying that I’m not the same as I used to be, is not completely untrue
This changed me is a stranger to myself as well
You are so kind but
That’s the way you are but oh
I don’t know I don’t know
Why I am like this
We were so in love, and you’re here now but oh
I don’t know
I want to find myself now
Baby I’m sorry, even when I’m with you, I’m Lonely
I must be lacking when it comes to love, please forgive this person horrible person I am
I’m sorry, this is your and my story
I must not be worthy of this thing called love, even though I’m by your side
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
You didn’t do anything wrong, I’m the strange one
It seems I’ve already been prepared long ago, for our breakup
I really wanted to treat you well, out of all the times, why is it when I’m confronted by love
I am shrinking away & am lonely endlessly
You are so kind but
That’s the way you are but oh
I don’t know I don’t know
Why I am like this
We were so in love, and you’re here now but oh
I don’t know
I want to find myself now
Baby I’m sorry, even when I’m with you, I’m Lonely
I must be lacking when it comes to love, please forgive this person horrible person I am
I’m sorry, this is your and my story
I must not be worthy of this thing called love, even though I’m by your side
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Cuz I’m just another girl
This night is lonely, I
Can’t take any more, Good bye
Cuz I’m just another girl
I’m so lonely
Even though I’m by your side right now
Baby I’m so lonely
Lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely
Baby I’m so lonely lonely lonely
Wednesday, 11 May 2011
Its way way wayyy to early to think about this. but i really really want sbs gayo daejeon to do a parody of Secret Garden this year and cast Taec and DaeSung. After watching the video of them doing the parody in Night After Night, i'm positive that it'll turn out well and its nice to have a 2Bang collab!
Its kinda disappointing that there's no parody of any shows last year other than SUJU's inception. So yeahh, i kinda hope that Secret Garden will be parodied despite being a show from 2010. But hey, its broadcasted till this year, so it somehow works out right?
So, hopefully, in 7 mths time, my wish will be granted! I actly think that Ryeowook will make a very good secretary, and wouldn't it be nice to see the 3 top bands in Korea collaborating? ChangMin(DBSK) can be the super star. HAHA, the 'Go Away, Busy, Hate It' lines suits him to the max!
And if they don't fulfil this wish of mine by doing a parody of it, I guess I shall just play it over again and again in my mind.
Its kinda disappointing that there's no parody of any shows last year other than SUJU's inception. So yeahh, i kinda hope that Secret Garden will be parodied despite being a show from 2010. But hey, its broadcasted till this year, so it somehow works out right?
So, hopefully, in 7 mths time, my wish will be granted! I actly think that Ryeowook will make a very good secretary, and wouldn't it be nice to see the 3 top bands in Korea collaborating? ChangMin(DBSK) can be the super star. HAHA, the 'Go Away, Busy, Hate It' lines suits him to the max!
And if they don't fulfil this wish of mine by doing a parody of it, I guess I shall just play it over again and again in my mind.
Tuesday, 10 May 2011
Monday, 9 May 2011
Love
Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what
love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.
love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.
-St. Augustine
i'm not 100% sure if this quote belong to St. Augustine, since the different sites have a different author for it, but whoever it is from, he is a wise old man.
Friday, 6 May 2011
지나간다.
지나간다 이 고통은 분명히 끝이 난다
Apparently the pain passes and ends.
I really love this line from the song Passing by Kim Bum Soo. Even when I didn't know what's the meaning of the lyrics, this song has a healing feeling to it. As if everything will be okay, and the MV is simple and yet beautiful. Till now, I'm not sure if the meaning of that line is really that, since google translator can be misleading at times. But for me, its a fitting line. A line that gives me strength when I think about it. I can't say this song is my favorite song, but I definitely think about this line a lot. Am really glad that I went to listen to this song after a 2PM member introduced it.
Although the night is long, the sun comes up
Someday my painful heart will get well.
Apparently the pain passes and ends.
I really love this line from the song Passing by Kim Bum Soo. Even when I didn't know what's the meaning of the lyrics, this song has a healing feeling to it. As if everything will be okay, and the MV is simple and yet beautiful. Till now, I'm not sure if the meaning of that line is really that, since google translator can be misleading at times. But for me, its a fitting line. A line that gives me strength when I think about it. I can't say this song is my favorite song, but I definitely think about this line a lot. Am really glad that I went to listen to this song after a 2PM member introduced it.
Although the night is long, the sun comes up
Someday my painful heart will get well.
Wednesday, 4 May 2011
Lit, Rapper, Harry Potter
I was worried and unsure about what I should do if I really manage to pass the NTU lit interview and they decide to offer me a place even though I haven't gotten any letter yet. As I was fretting and wondering what my future will be like with English Literature as a major(will I just become a teacher), I got the perfect answer! Thanks to Allkpop and Tablo.
Yes, I will just turn into a female rapper who sings real cool songs and have mvs which includes running away from a river monster. Hahahs, doesn't that sound appealing and cool? I think it does (: And now, I just have to pray that NTU will send me the letter so that I'll have a choice in what I want to do in the future!
Yes, I will just turn into a female rapper who sings real cool songs and have mvs which includes running away from a river monster. Hahahs, doesn't that sound appealing and cool? I think it does (: And now, I just have to pray that NTU will send me the letter so that I'll have a choice in what I want to do in the future!
Or maybe, I should stick to Info Sys and minor in Lit. In this way, I can create music videos for my own raps and spread them throughout the world with my knowledge with info sys. Its an absolutely cool idea. Oh yeah.
Something absolutely random now. I was bored and am still bored, so I went on tumblr and searched for Harry Potter and these are some of the cute things I found! (:
Draco Malfoy/Tom Felton used to have chubby cheeks. Seriously after so many years, I've forgotten how he'd look like at the very 1st movie till today.
I wanted to share my thoughts coherently and intelligently at first, but somehow, it turned out to be a weird post which ended with spazzing of all sorts (: but well, i love Harry Potter and I can't wait for 15th July!
A little thing called love.
Just finished watching First Love: A crazy little thing called love and I can totally relate to it and i bet most of the people who watched this movie can. This movie is a reflection of an experience that lots of people have, even if they might not exactly have done the exact thing the female lead had done, but the feeling and anticipation is similar for almost everyone.
Somehow, I can see myself in the female lead. A lot of myself. The walking pass of classroom, the elation when he talks to you(even if its not face to face), the determination to improve yourself to make him notice you. And even, the last part about the failed relationship with a senior. I guess that's how first love is. Heart-wrenching, bitter-sweet and yet memorable. Most of the time, it doesn't work out or you don't have the courage to make the first move, so you try to move on or keep your attitude ambiguous, but at the end of the day, what breaks your heart most, what you think about the most, is that guy which you did so much to get his attention and yet didn't manage to end up together(at least at that point of time).
There may be a lot of crushes in one's life, but the most memorable one will be the one when you're still schooling and work the hardest for. Only when you're still a teenager, then could you have the right to be childish, do unlogical stuff for your crush, then keep them deep in your heart as a bitter-sweet memory. And it is only the pure affection you felt for the other party, without it being stainted by any factors, that will always be the most precious memory of that person.
He's not the first crush I've worked hard for. Before him, I've worked hard too. But maybe, its because he's the first crush that is not my friend. The first one where striking a conversation is not possible at all. That's why every spared glance, every little smile or the opportunity to be near him is so precious.
I don't think I can say I love him, or I like him as until now I've no idea how I feel at all. All I could say is, he will always be remembered by me as the guy that I've done a lot for, get excited a lot for and confused me to no end. (:
Monday, 2 May 2011
Lit interview.
Going for my lit interview tomorrow. Feeling weird, distracted, tired and lazy. NTU is simply too unaccessible.
And,
I need more time,
I need more time,
I need more time.(the mantra-like repetition of the yearning for time and the resounding effect it causes further emphasizes the blogger's desire to have time on her side and unwillingness for the day to pass by so quickly).
Hahahs, I think I must be crazy to even start analyzing my own blog post.
Anyway, I really need more time. 2 days is simply not enough when I procrastinate so much till I've less than 6 hrs of studying time.
But seriously, other than the literary techniques and trying out some poems/prose that I've done before, I don't know what else should I do for it, so I'll just do my best tomorrow and pray for the best!
Yep, I'm gonna be okay! (:
And,
I need more time,
I need more time,
I need more time.(the mantra-like repetition of the yearning for time and the resounding effect it causes further emphasizes the blogger's desire to have time on her side and unwillingness for the day to pass by so quickly).
Hahahs, I think I must be crazy to even start analyzing my own blog post.
Anyway, I really need more time. 2 days is simply not enough when I procrastinate so much till I've less than 6 hrs of studying time.
But seriously, other than the literary techniques and trying out some poems/prose that I've done before, I don't know what else should I do for it, so I'll just do my best tomorrow and pray for the best!
Yep, I'm gonna be okay! (:
I don't ever want to believe in destiny or fate, as it will mean that no matter how much effort I put in, everything is pre-destined and no amount of hard work will be able to change it. I rather believe in parallel worlds, where different decisions I made regarding a certain issue will result in different mes, which will in turn have differing futures. This thought is less bleak, at least, it motivates you to work in the correct direction to ensure that you will have the best future and be the best me among all those in different dimensions. At least, I know that the end I've in mind is attainable.
Sunday, 1 May 2011
am done texting/informing most of those that helped me with the details of the SMU interview, so i guess i can blog about it now! i didn't want to blog first without telling them, since i do think they played a big part in it and i don't want them to find out reading my blog instead of me contacting them personally.
yep, i found the letter laying on the cool, steel looking happy when my mum opened the letter box yesterday. and, i couln't really express the relieved feeling, mixed with nervousness when i was opening it. all i remembered was running around the carpark and it got witnessed by my neighbor so i assume she'll think im out of my mind. anw, i couldn't explain the mixed feelings i was feeling yesterday. it was gratefulness, happiness and a lot more others. maybe for some, they couldn't understand what's the big deal, but for me who had been worrying about not being able to get into college, its like an assurance that there's somewhere that'll definitely accept me.
even though, i've thanked those who helped me alr, but somehow, i still feel that i should do it here again(yes, even though i was asked to stop thanking). it feels like they're the catalyst that helped with a certain experiment to enable its success, and thus, its so unforgettable. yeah, so to all those that helped out, thanks alot (:
and now, i've to go study for my lit interview despite feeling super unmotivated. i feel so ill at ease with analyzing that every line seems so awkward for me. /: anw, fighting! (:
yep, i found the letter laying on the cool, steel looking happy when my mum opened the letter box yesterday. and, i couln't really express the relieved feeling, mixed with nervousness when i was opening it. all i remembered was running around the carpark and it got witnessed by my neighbor so i assume she'll think im out of my mind. anw, i couldn't explain the mixed feelings i was feeling yesterday. it was gratefulness, happiness and a lot more others. maybe for some, they couldn't understand what's the big deal, but for me who had been worrying about not being able to get into college, its like an assurance that there's somewhere that'll definitely accept me.
even though, i've thanked those who helped me alr, but somehow, i still feel that i should do it here again(yes, even though i was asked to stop thanking). it feels like they're the catalyst that helped with a certain experiment to enable its success, and thus, its so unforgettable. yeah, so to all those that helped out, thanks alot (:
and now, i've to go study for my lit interview despite feeling super unmotivated. i feel so ill at ease with analyzing that every line seems so awkward for me. /: anw, fighting! (:
Opposites Attract.
this is such a corny title but i really couldn't help it. while i was reading just now, i came across a theory about relationships, about how people normally seek the opposites of themselves in relationships as everyone fundementally have an issue with themselves. there will always be personal faults and stuff that one cannot accept. thus, even though, they'll be attracted to someone similar to them due to the likeness they shared, but once they see their own flaws in the other party, they might start hating the other party and eventually hating themselves for it.
i don't think this applies to every relationship and neither should i judge what makes a relationship work or fail. but, i can see the logic in this theory and agree with it. it just sounds so logical and correct, just like the north and south pole attraction in magnets. however, no matter it is being too similar or too different, a relationship is difficult to maintain and to make it last there needs lots of patience, understanding, love and forgiveness after all(line paraphrased from what the author wrote!).
yeah, i think this idea will be tossed back and forth in my mind for a couple of days before i finally decide i've a splendid conclusion or gave up(like what i did for the concept of parallel worlds).
anw, my mum is currently watching a korean drama called Temptation of an Angel/Angel's Temptation and i could completely relate it to Romeo & Juliet. other than the fact that the nickname they had for each other is romeo/juliet without heart, the line My only love sprung from my only hate fits them perfectly. the female lead hates the male lead's family as they destroyed her family. and when the male lead finds out the truth and nearly lost his life in the process, his hatred for the female lead led him to set a trap for her to execute revenge. with a new identity, he pursued the female lead and made her fall in love with him and then payed her back for her wrongdoings. i think this sounds hyper confusing. hahas, i won't get it too if i'm not the one typing away at my laptop currently. but i just thought that that line was apt for them, esp for the female lead. she hated the family and sworn to get revenge and yet, eventually she fell in love with their son even though he's under a new identity. very melodramatic and yet real.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)