Is momentary happiness worth guilt that will weigh down on your conscience for maybe, years to come?
I'm afraid not only because I might have already done something wrong, but also because, I might do something wrong again.
Maybe I've done it wrong. All wrong.
& maybe the way out is self - isolation. Being anti - social? I can do it.
Thursday, 12 July 2012
Monday, 9 July 2012
About A Boy
Boys?
That boy.
The one who makes you stay up late just to wait for his reply. The one who you have to think about every single sentence or word before you press the word 'Send'. The one who you think you can get over but in fact, your heart beats a little faster when you see him online and then start swearing like there's no tomorrow as you wait for him to talk to you.
Why that boy?
There seems to be no plausible answers to this. You just can't seem to get rid of the feelings that you harbor for him. There are times where you will meet people who you get along with, who you think might be a better match for you as compared to him. But you'll still wait. Render yourself as emotionally unavailable and wait. Wait till you'll start blaming him for making you feel unwanted. Till you think you're going to die old and alone because there's a chance that no one else could make you feel that way again.
And then?
You start wondering why you can't seem to attract that one person that mattered so much. And eventually, you'll start identifying yourself with all the protagonists in sappy romance novels and whine about how life is so unfair. But, you still try your best. Be it at updating yourself with whatever he is doing right now, or just trying to be a part of his life. Trying to understand what he is going through so that you will feel like there's a form of connection between the two of you.
The End?
You think you can get over him and just stay as friends with him, Forever. And you set a deadline for yourself. One month. Telling yourself that it is easy to get over him and all it takes is a month. In that month, you think about him everyday, write about him everyday thinking that it is the best therapy you can ever go through. Breaking your own heart so much that when you fix it again, you'll remove all the people that shouldn't have mattered. But, at the end of the month, you realize that it doesn't work at all, and you start missing him more and more.
It is till you meet new people, hang out with new friends, occupy your time with something way more important than him that he finally left your mind, and possibly vacate the spot in your heart. But all it takes is a text from him, and once again, the cycle repeats itself.
Probably till you finally learn how to let go of someone.
That boy.
The one who makes you stay up late just to wait for his reply. The one who you have to think about every single sentence or word before you press the word 'Send'. The one who you think you can get over but in fact, your heart beats a little faster when you see him online and then start swearing like there's no tomorrow as you wait for him to talk to you.
Why that boy?
There seems to be no plausible answers to this. You just can't seem to get rid of the feelings that you harbor for him. There are times where you will meet people who you get along with, who you think might be a better match for you as compared to him. But you'll still wait. Render yourself as emotionally unavailable and wait. Wait till you'll start blaming him for making you feel unwanted. Till you think you're going to die old and alone because there's a chance that no one else could make you feel that way again.
And then?
You start wondering why you can't seem to attract that one person that mattered so much. And eventually, you'll start identifying yourself with all the protagonists in sappy romance novels and whine about how life is so unfair. But, you still try your best. Be it at updating yourself with whatever he is doing right now, or just trying to be a part of his life. Trying to understand what he is going through so that you will feel like there's a form of connection between the two of you.
The End?
You think you can get over him and just stay as friends with him, Forever. And you set a deadline for yourself. One month. Telling yourself that it is easy to get over him and all it takes is a month. In that month, you think about him everyday, write about him everyday thinking that it is the best therapy you can ever go through. Breaking your own heart so much that when you fix it again, you'll remove all the people that shouldn't have mattered. But, at the end of the month, you realize that it doesn't work at all, and you start missing him more and more.
It is till you meet new people, hang out with new friends, occupy your time with something way more important than him that he finally left your mind, and possibly vacate the spot in your heart. But all it takes is a text from him, and once again, the cycle repeats itself.
Probably till you finally learn how to let go of someone.
Tuesday, 3 July 2012
Just read my friend's blog. & got a shock.
A guy who seems like he doesn't care about anything, who's so playful, is actually very philosophical on the inside. Thus, I'm reflecting now.
There's so much more in life, & yet I'm getting emotional and trapping myself in this little problem of mine instead of focusing on the greater picture.
Anyway, I really like this song nowadays.
Its from a Taiwanese drama called 我可能不會愛你。I haven't watched one in ages, but I was immediately drawn to one of the lines from the show.
如果我看過妳看過的世界、走過妳走過的路, 是不是就能更靠近妳一點?
From what I've seen now, it seems like this drama is pretty worth watching. Really liked how it focuses on two people who are in their 30s & how there's the pressure from life awaiting them.
So, yep. That's all (:
A guy who seems like he doesn't care about anything, who's so playful, is actually very philosophical on the inside. Thus, I'm reflecting now.
There's so much more in life, & yet I'm getting emotional and trapping myself in this little problem of mine instead of focusing on the greater picture.
Anyway, I really like this song nowadays.
Its from a Taiwanese drama called 我可能不會愛你。I haven't watched one in ages, but I was immediately drawn to one of the lines from the show.
如果我看過妳看過的世界、走過妳走過的路, 是不是就能更靠近妳一點?
From what I've seen now, it seems like this drama is pretty worth watching. Really liked how it focuses on two people who are in their 30s & how there's the pressure from life awaiting them.
So, yep. That's all (:
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