making 10 promises to myself :

1. I'm not going to play GW2 no matter how good it is, at least for this summer.
2. I'm going to get out of this mess to the best of my ability by this summer. & by that, I mean without giving people the wrong idea which means I only have 3 days to work on it. & its highly impossible.
3. I'm going to treat my heart better & take care of it since its so essential for my survival.
4. I'll not bid for Yeow Leong unless my Meta group decides to, cause we're so doing everything together. 5. I'll stop joining events to the best of my ability.
6. I'm going to be a good girl and show people what I can do & not do what I should not do to lessen misunderstandings.
 7. I'm ttly going to outshine you, just wait. & this is not because you're important, I'm just tired of people talking to me as if they're better.
8. I'm going on an adventure by MYSELF.

the last time i blogged was around a month ago? in deep confusion now. i really don't know what i want & despise myself for the bad attitude. but somehow, i just couldn't help it. i think maybe its a somewhat defensive stance to what's happening right now? how i hate not having a clear picture & how i hate people not telling me things straight forwardly and instead try to speak in riddles as if we understand each other. maybe we used to, and we used to have fun doing that, but right now, i just like things to be stated clearly. i'm too tired for all these already. i'm really not good at this. at accepting people's niceness to me when i'm not sure if i can reciprocate it in anyway. somehow, i just want to run away when i'm sure that i can't be as nice as i used to be anymore. and i'm not good at this too, at making changes to my original plan, just 'cause people offered to be nice. i don't even know what i should do anymore. sigh. maybe i should just leave everything behind and go away for a month. 1 month later, i'll come back and see what i should do. life's so screwed.