and somehow, i think i've found the reason for not going into Literature
pressure.
the correct amount of stress is what normally pushes people to go beyond themselves and excel in their task. it increases productivity, and even creativity at times. there are a lot of times when i thought i will crumble under pressure with the excessive workload as well as expectations from peers and myself. but, in the computer field, almost everything is standard, there are many ways to do a thing, but there is a standard set of answers as to what is right or wrong. if i can put it this way, it is simply an area where if you put in enough effort, you will be able to reap the rewards, most of the time.
writing, i can't even believe how much i love it. when i feel like im going to give up, or when im too stressed with the various assignments, writing fics will be my outlet of venting my feelings. it is easy, when it acts as a form of escape from the greater things in life (which is school), but it becomes exceedingly difficult when it becomes the main focus of my life. there is too much pressure of having to write perfectly, with all the stress from school being unloaded to all the words that are being typed onto the screen. it is suffocating when the words doesn't flow properly, or when the emotions are misplaced, and then writing becomes the main source of stress instead. there is no clear definition of what makes a good or bad story, and while striving for perfection, it is so easy to forget the initial passion.
and maybe this is why i'm not cut out for writing. i love it, and yet i hate myself for not being able to handle the stress that comes with it, for turning into someone who chases after writing beautiful metaphors instead of genuine feelings. so that's why, maybe, i ran away from it in the first place.
Wednesday, 4 December 2013
Thursday, 30 May 2013
Tuesday, 28 May 2013
A 30 day Infinite challenge to cheer my morning up when I am suffering from insomnia, and having some crisis after some belated introspection. (:
day 1: your favourite infinite member and why
LLLLL.
Heh, this is a really intimate question, and I guess only my best friend knows and bother to listen to my real answer regarding this. L is someone very weird. None of Infinite really got my attention when I was watching Sesame Player. What really stood out for me was how protective he was over Ji Ae when she was befrending some delinquents. At that moment, I really found him very cool, and wanted an elder brother like that. Hehe.
day 2: your favourite infinite song
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This. I used to abhor it when it first came out. To be honest, I don't really like it when Infinite promote a bright song. I still think that the dark and strong image suits them better. But Ranking King happened or something that I couldn't remember happen, and this became my fave (:
day 3: an infinite song that reminds you of someone
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Probably this. It has been replaying itself non-stop in my mind for the past hour.
day 4: your favourite infinite cover
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Hmm, probably Mirotic?
Its a few years late, but Im finally starting to appreciate the song, and its epicness.
day 5: best singer in infinite
Woohyunie. Gyu is damn good, but there is just this something about Hyun's voice that makes me want to listen to him again & again.
day 6: best dancer in infinite
Yadong.
day 7: an infinite member you want to be bffs with
Sungjong. This guy is everything I wanna be.
day 8: an infinite member you want to go shopping with
Sungjong.
day 9: the member you think is most easily shipped
Myungsoo.
day 10: your favourite otp
Sooyeol. The best friends that are headed for destruction.
Ambivalent relationship ftw.
day 11: an otp you don’t like
Myungjong? Okay maybe not. I've learnt to accept everything.
day 12: your favourite infinite quote/interview
Q: Do you have the confidence to beat the 'beast idols'?Dongwoo: Competition isn't our goal, because we're infinite idols.
day 13: the member you think is funniest
Dongwoo. His insane laughter and inability to keep still is the best.
day 14: your favourite variety show cut
Hmm. Ranking King last ep!
day 15: an infinite member you’d kiss
no one.
day 16: an infinite member you’d play the ‘i love you’ game with
Sunggyu. Cause I'll want to make him laugh and win him at it.
day 17: an infinite member you’d date but in secret
Woohyun. He seems like the type that will do this kind of things.
day 18: an infinite member you’d date out in the open
None.
day 19: an infinite member you’d bring home
Dongwoo.
day 20: an infinite member you’d go clubbing with
Gyu. He seems like he's experienced with the night life.
day 21: your favourite thing about sungkyu
The way he smile. His voice when he sings.
Afterall, while I was digging through old stuff just now, I realized that he was my 2nd bias :O
day 22: your favourite thing about dongwoo
His laughter. His weird movements. How he seems to be the vitamin for all those around him (:
day 23: your favourite thing about woohyun
His awkward cheesiness which is turning me into a weird person.
day 24: your favourite thing about howon
How he isn't good at anything but worked really hard to be good at everything an idol should be good at.
day 25: your favourite thing about sungyeol
His personality. Cause sometimes, I think that I can see myself in him, which is why I will want to shower him with more love.
day 26: your favourite thing about myungsoo
Because its him.
day 27: your favourite thing about sungjong
His personality. He's strong, independent, responsible, and doesn't let people step all over him, which is what I want to grow up to be like.
day 28: an infinite member you’d want as a brother
Myung.
day 29: your perfect day with infinite
Having a proper, normal conversation with Myung.
day 30: your perfect date with your infinite bias
Myung is not my ideal type, tbh.
Part 2: Which consist of some different qns :D
Day 1- How you discovered Infinite
Part 2: Which consist of some different qns :D
Day 1- How you discovered Infinite
Day 2- First favorite Infinite member
I can't remember, but I have a feeling that it will be Hyun. He is just the type that I will fangirl over first, heh
Day 3- Current favorite Infinite member and why
Myung (:
Day 4- First Infinite song you heard/MV you watched
Come back again.
Probably will stay as one of my fave songs of them ever, that epic song!
Day 6- Favorite Infinite MV
That Summer Concert Opening which coincidentally shall be known as In the Summer MV. Heh
Day 7- Infinite song that makes you happy
Come Back Again or In the Summer. Maybe I like you too. Amazing also actually Haha
Day 8- Infinite song that makes you emotional
Mothae by Infinite H
Day 9- Infinite choreography that you memorized or want to learn
Come Back Again. It used to be my jam, and I just can't stop my body from moving whenever I heard the chorus. Haven't done it in years though
Day 10- Favorite episode of You Are My Oppa
That fateful Myungsoo episode
Day 11- Favorite episode of Days of Infinite
As much as I love Infinite, I regretfully didn't finish it
Day 12- Favorite Infinite photoshoot
-
Day 13- Favorite Infinite performance
-
Day 14- Favorite Infinite era
Be Mine/Paradise
Day 19- Funniest Infinite member
Woo.
Day 20- Cutest Infinite member
Myung.
Day 29- Favorite Infinite group picture
to be updated.
Day 30- Why you love Infinite
cause they are infinite.
Yes, this had been fun. All the reminiscing made me realize how much a kpop addict I was 2 years ago. My knowledge at that time was like a waterfall that has a lot of water. Not that there are any waterfall with no water. Are there?
Sunday, 19 May 2013
The woman made of water
The water level rises till its on par with your lower eyelids
Droplets of warm water sit on the eyelids' ledge swinging their fluid legs carefreely
With every move, the burning substance threatens to fall of the edge
The mouth moves rapidly in an attempt to contain the liquid
A soundless scream ensues, and the tears rolled back to the back of the eyes
For I am a woman made of water
And none of it shall be spilt
Droplets of warm water sit on the eyelids' ledge swinging their fluid legs carefreely
With every move, the burning substance threatens to fall of the edge
The mouth moves rapidly in an attempt to contain the liquid
A soundless scream ensues, and the tears rolled back to the back of the eyes
For I am a woman made of water
And none of it shall be spilt
Thursday, 18 April 2013
recently, there has been this urgent and insatiable need for writing. to pour out the emotions, thoughts, and just write for the fact that i enjoy it.
it was further fueled when browsing through all the old lj post that i made. the nostalgic past where i will just bring a notebook everywhere and start penning down the little moments that gives me a burst of inspiration.
at that time, it felt as though i could write. not write like those authors with beautiful diction and imagery, but i can still write.
i know what i want to express, i have ideas, and i know my target audience.
but now, it feels as though it is all sapped out of me. writing becomes a mere channel to express my frustration and sorrow. i only get inspiration when i am feeling drained, and my target audience never changed. i am always writing about my own feelings, like right now.
in the greater scheme of things(school), and letting myself get carried away with life, i have somehow lost all my passion for it.
what happened to the churning a drabble every few days? and the excessive excitement that is always coursing through me when i think of an idea?
my inspiration bunny had left home due to my neglect ):
there can be many forms of writing, but most of the time, i think we write to gain recognition, to tell the world our thoughts.
i remember distinctively that i loved sharing my prose anonymously due to the satisfaction that i get when someone whom I'm unrelated to appreciates it. at least, you will know that their affection towards what you wrote is genuine, instead of being clouded by what they feel towards you as a person.
yes.
a/n: i honestly wanted this post to be funny. somewhat like a !crack fic where i will just complain about my inspiration bunny packing up her bag and leaving home. and how i forced my best friend to be my co-author for the longest time ever, and how much i loved her. and how i think i write badly, and yet my ex-favorite author praised me once, and i'm still happy till now. and how, my old laptop have tons of old stuff that i should dig out, and maybe work on again. like those old pictures that i should start sorting out and old stories. and oh btw, i hate the word diction. i have never known how to use it when i am a Lit student and everyone around me was going 'the diction gives the prose a poignant tone'. at those moments, i will be like wtf?
it was further fueled when browsing through all the old lj post that i made. the nostalgic past where i will just bring a notebook everywhere and start penning down the little moments that gives me a burst of inspiration.
at that time, it felt as though i could write. not write like those authors with beautiful diction and imagery, but i can still write.
i know what i want to express, i have ideas, and i know my target audience.
but now, it feels as though it is all sapped out of me. writing becomes a mere channel to express my frustration and sorrow. i only get inspiration when i am feeling drained, and my target audience never changed. i am always writing about my own feelings, like right now.
in the greater scheme of things(school), and letting myself get carried away with life, i have somehow lost all my passion for it.
what happened to the churning a drabble every few days? and the excessive excitement that is always coursing through me when i think of an idea?
my inspiration bunny had left home due to my neglect ):
there can be many forms of writing, but most of the time, i think we write to gain recognition, to tell the world our thoughts.
i remember distinctively that i loved sharing my prose anonymously due to the satisfaction that i get when someone whom I'm unrelated to appreciates it. at least, you will know that their affection towards what you wrote is genuine, instead of being clouded by what they feel towards you as a person.
yes.
a/n: i honestly wanted this post to be funny. somewhat like a !crack fic where i will just complain about my inspiration bunny packing up her bag and leaving home. and how i forced my best friend to be my co-author for the longest time ever, and how much i loved her. and how i think i write badly, and yet my ex-favorite author praised me once, and i'm still happy till now. and how, my old laptop have tons of old stuff that i should dig out, and maybe work on again. like those old pictures that i should start sorting out and old stories. and oh btw, i hate the word diction. i have never known how to use it when i am a Lit student and everyone around me was going 'the diction gives the prose a poignant tone'. at those moments, i will be like wtf?
Saturday, 2 March 2013
Photograph
By Andrea Gibson
I wish I was a photograph
tucked into the corners of your wallet
I wish I was a photograph
you carried like a future in your back pocket
I wish I was that face you show to strangers
when they ask you where you come from
I wish I was that someone that you come from
every time you get there
and when you get there
I wish I was that someone who got phone calls
and postcards saying
wish you were here
I wish you were here
autumn is the hardest season
the leaves are all falling
and they're falling like they're falling in love with the ground
and the trees are naked and lonely
I keep trying to tell them
new leaves will come around in the spring
but you can't tell trees those things
they're like me they just stand there
and don't listen
I wish you were here
I've been missing you like crazy
I've been hazy eyed
staring at the bottom of my glass again
thinking of that time when it was so full
it was like we were tapping the moon for moonshine
or sticking straws into the center of the sun
and sipping like icarus would forever kiss
the bullets from our guns
I never meant to fire you know
I know you never meant to fire lover
I know we never meant to hurt each other
now the sky clicks from black to blue
and dusk looks like a bruise
I've been wrapping one night stands
around my body like wedding bands
but none of them fit in the morning
they just slip off my fingers and slip out the door
and all that lingers is the scent of you
I once swore if I threw that scent into a wishing well
all the wishes in the world would come true
do you remember
do you remember the night I told you
I've never seen anything more perfect than
than snow falling in the glow of a street light
electricity bowing to nature
mind bowing to heartbeat
this is gonna hurt bowing to I love you
I still love you like moons love the planets they circle around
like children love recess bells
I still hear the sound of you
and think of playgrounds
where outcasts who stutter
beneath braces and bruises and acne
are finally learning that their rich handsome bullies
are never gonna grow up to be happy
I think of happy when I think of you
so wherever you are I hope you're happy
I really do
I hope the stars are kissing your cheeks tonight
I hope you finally found a way to quit smoking
I hope your lungs are open and breathing you life
I hope there's a kite in your hand
that's flying all the way up to orion
and you still got a thousand yards of string to let out
I hope you're smiling
like god is pulling at the corners of your mouth
cause I might be naked and lonely
shaking branches for bones
but I'm still time zones away
from who I was the day before we met
you were the first mile
where my heart broke a sweat
and I wish you were here
I wish you'd never left
but mostly I wish you well
I wish you my very very best
probably my favorite poem for the longest time ever. i rarely remember poems that i read, but this had been stuck in my mind for three months already.
it strikes so close to home when you're feeling lonely or insecure. which is why i love it so much since the first time i read it; in December when everyone is supposed to be happy. and yet, at certain moments, you will feel so small and forgotten by the one you love.
"but I'm still time zones away
from who I was the day before we met"
possibly my favorite line in this whole poem. and the entire reason why i love this poem so much.
'cause i'm sure i'll never be the same me again ever since the day i knew you.
By Andrea Gibson
I wish I was a photograph
tucked into the corners of your wallet
I wish I was a photograph
you carried like a future in your back pocket
I wish I was that face you show to strangers
when they ask you where you come from
I wish I was that someone that you come from
every time you get there
and when you get there
I wish I was that someone who got phone calls
and postcards saying
wish you were here
I wish you were here
autumn is the hardest season
the leaves are all falling
and they're falling like they're falling in love with the ground
and the trees are naked and lonely
I keep trying to tell them
new leaves will come around in the spring
but you can't tell trees those things
they're like me they just stand there
and don't listen
I wish you were here
I've been missing you like crazy
I've been hazy eyed
staring at the bottom of my glass again
thinking of that time when it was so full
it was like we were tapping the moon for moonshine
or sticking straws into the center of the sun
and sipping like icarus would forever kiss
the bullets from our guns
I never meant to fire you know
I know you never meant to fire lover
I know we never meant to hurt each other
now the sky clicks from black to blue
and dusk looks like a bruise
I've been wrapping one night stands
around my body like wedding bands
but none of them fit in the morning
they just slip off my fingers and slip out the door
and all that lingers is the scent of you
I once swore if I threw that scent into a wishing well
all the wishes in the world would come true
do you remember
do you remember the night I told you
I've never seen anything more perfect than
than snow falling in the glow of a street light
electricity bowing to nature
mind bowing to heartbeat
this is gonna hurt bowing to I love you
I still love you like moons love the planets they circle around
like children love recess bells
I still hear the sound of you
and think of playgrounds
where outcasts who stutter
beneath braces and bruises and acne
are finally learning that their rich handsome bullies
are never gonna grow up to be happy
I think of happy when I think of you
so wherever you are I hope you're happy
I really do
I hope the stars are kissing your cheeks tonight
I hope you finally found a way to quit smoking
I hope your lungs are open and breathing you life
I hope there's a kite in your hand
that's flying all the way up to orion
and you still got a thousand yards of string to let out
I hope you're smiling
like god is pulling at the corners of your mouth
cause I might be naked and lonely
shaking branches for bones
but I'm still time zones away
from who I was the day before we met
you were the first mile
where my heart broke a sweat
and I wish you were here
I wish you'd never left
but mostly I wish you well
I wish you my very very best
probably my favorite poem for the longest time ever. i rarely remember poems that i read, but this had been stuck in my mind for three months already.
it strikes so close to home when you're feeling lonely or insecure. which is why i love it so much since the first time i read it; in December when everyone is supposed to be happy. and yet, at certain moments, you will feel so small and forgotten by the one you love.
"but I'm still time zones away
from who I was the day before we met"
possibly my favorite line in this whole poem. and the entire reason why i love this poem so much.
'cause i'm sure i'll never be the same me again ever since the day i knew you.
Tuesday, 26 February 2013
How much of your heart should you give to someone?
A narcissist might probably say 1%.
As they love themselves more than everything else in the world. Making it seem as though the world should only revolve around them, and the people around them should cater to all their needs. When they love, it is mostly out of convenience. 'If you can fit into my busy schedule, I'll keep you. But if you can't, I'll find someone else who is able to do that.', giving them sufficient space to do their own stuff without having to invest much effort into the relationship.
A romantic might probably say 101%.
It is unrealistic and yet it shows their devotion to the relationship. How they are willing to put their everything in without a fear. They are extremely cheesy and sometimes can be seen as a person who is way too extreme. But, all the sacrifices that are made in the name of romance will not matter, as love is what fuels them.
What about a pragmatist?
The answer will probably be it depends.
They will weigh the pros and cons of this relationship and the future outlook before deciding how much emotions they want to invest. They are careful with the anything they do, and will not allow anyone to have too much of their heart. This ensures that the relationship will still be a stable one without the risk of a heartbreak that cannot be repaired.
And what about the rest?
They will probably not know how much have they invested in the relationship until the pain starts. And at that time, nothing probably matters anymore.
A narcissist might probably say 1%.
As they love themselves more than everything else in the world. Making it seem as though the world should only revolve around them, and the people around them should cater to all their needs. When they love, it is mostly out of convenience. 'If you can fit into my busy schedule, I'll keep you. But if you can't, I'll find someone else who is able to do that.', giving them sufficient space to do their own stuff without having to invest much effort into the relationship.
A romantic might probably say 101%.
It is unrealistic and yet it shows their devotion to the relationship. How they are willing to put their everything in without a fear. They are extremely cheesy and sometimes can be seen as a person who is way too extreme. But, all the sacrifices that are made in the name of romance will not matter, as love is what fuels them.
What about a pragmatist?
The answer will probably be it depends.
They will weigh the pros and cons of this relationship and the future outlook before deciding how much emotions they want to invest. They are careful with the anything they do, and will not allow anyone to have too much of their heart. This ensures that the relationship will still be a stable one without the risk of a heartbreak that cannot be repaired.
And what about the rest?
They will probably not know how much have they invested in the relationship until the pain starts. And at that time, nothing probably matters anymore.
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